Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Why are medication side effects always negative things? Why is it never a side effect that this medication may make you better at math or may cause extreme sexiness. Why is it never a side effect that you get smarter or can more easily learn French

   April 1

   When I say, "I hate drama" I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people's drama? Big fan!!!

   Also in the news, the national atheist church has applied for non-prophet status.

   Dear Facebook, stop asking me what's on my mind. We both know it's against community standards.

   When a woman says, "Correct me if I'm wrong", do not under any, I mean any circumstances do it.

   Мило плюну в душу, нагло улыбнусь.

   I'm combining Easter and April Fools Day together this year. I'm sending kids out to search for eggs I haven't hidden.

   wow, TᕼE ᗩᖇT Oᖴ TᕼE ᗪEᗩᒪ

   Jeeziz. That fart was so rank, my nose disowned me.

   I’m always telling people I’m down for anything when in fact I mean, not after 8 PM, food should be involved, and it also depends on the weather, the parking situation and how tired I am

   Trump Soup: Start with lots of nuts, add some Tweeted mistruths, heat and spin until it is a laughing stock. Discard any creditability before servng.

   Not funny... We sprung forward so hard we are back in winter!

   I asked to 2024's manager today, it was 2021

   I think we should cancel April Fools this year. There is no prank topping reality.

   Remember when we used to do prank calls growing up? Now those spam calls are karma getting us back.

   Today is the first day of Spring. That means I can be over with my Seasonal Depression and go back to my Regular Depression.

   The Tick Tock clock is ticking.

   I worked out with a dumbell yesterday I FEEL VIGOROUS

   2nd birthday, fun, energetic