Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   All of mankind is descended of a man and a woman who had two sons. Think about that. Take as much time as you need.

   I know that the change in seasons is good, fireplaces, hot toddy's, we need the rain, etc. But couldn't we just set our clocks back again please, to, I dunno, July???!!!

   Today they took Rob Ford's office budget and his staff away. He has been removed from his position on committees and lost his power to fill vacancies. The only power he has left is to represent the city at official functions. That's actually the one I wou

   "You have to pass it to find out what's in it." Isn't that also true for a stool sample?

   Who picks up a seeing eye dogs poop?

   .. .----. -- / -... .-. .. -. --. .. -. --. / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . / -... .- -.-. -.- ? ? ? Screw texting I'm bringing Morse Code back

   Nicki Minaj looks like an unlocked character that you would get on the last level of Mortal Kombat.

   when I think of a selfie, I'm not sure it's the same thing you're thinking of

   If I cut you off and didn't tell you why. That means I lost all respect for you and you don't even deserve an explanation.

   Obama starts off every speech with a lie...."My fellow Americans"

   Guys, man up. Your woman doesn't need two pu$$ies.

   I'm black but not "hang out with Justin Bieber to boost his street cred" black.

   Who's in charge of the Facebook awards this year? I have a few names to submit for the "most likely to commit bestiality" category.

   HD porn, because I like to read the serial number on your breast implants.

   Facebook is like Michael Jackson’s nose, whenever they do something to it, it gets worse.

   They should put O.J. and Zimmerman in the same cell and let them fight over the last "Little Debbie"

   People are quick to blame the devil for everything that goes bad in their lives. Even people who fail an exam they did not adequately prepare for will blame it all on the devil.

   Research has shown that 20% of your Facebok friends hate your guts and would like to see you die a horrible death.

   Zimmerman and OJ Simpson should fight to death. Gun vs Knife.

   God's son died single, but he'll help you find your match on Christian Mingle.