Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Oral sex.... a taste of things to come

   There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom..

   If Mary gave birth to Jesus and Jesus is the lamb of God, did Mary have a little lamb?

   I almost bet the people on the outside of the ark were talking crap as well...

   Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you're doing anything with your life today.

   If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.

   anyone going to tell America's funniest videos about YouTube?

   "Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country."-----JFK

   Sick and tired of the Dr. Phil test!!! BTW, I scored a 47.

   It's Friday night. I'm writing this and you're reading it. We're both sad.

   George Zimmerman is getting dangerously close to the 8 strike law.

   Never cut off the minivans, they have nothing to live for.

   m old enough to remember when the lamest thing in the world was to take pictures of yourself, like you had no friends

   To drink or not to drink!? What a stupid question!

   I love it when someone takes a good joke and make it even better. Keep it up guys.

   [You're choking]:---- I have two choices: Do I perform the Hiemlich Manuever or should I just stand there and pray for you?.........Science: 1 , Religion: -10

   My wife just yelled that I pay more attention to Facebook than I do to her, or at least that's what I think she said to me....

   Excuse me miss.... Can I test drive your vulva?

   Confucius say: Woman who keep husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

   When are the winter special olympics??