Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Looks like the driver owes Walker a 10 second car now

   A Bieber should've been in that car instead of a Walker.

   ironic he died in a car accident with the last name Walker

   "Insecure ass women cant accept any guybeing more successful than they are andanger is the shield..."

   You kids complain about everthing.....You want to know how bad I had it? I'm so old the "Diaper Man" used to come to our house to take the sh#tty diapers away and bring back "clean ones" that really some other kid had sh it in!

   Why couldn't it have been Paul Wall? No one wants to see HIS grill.

   Whenever I'm boarding a plane, I have to constantly fight the urge to yell out "It's OK, I'm a limo driver!" and then sprint down the tunnell.

   Some say chivalry is dead, but given the number of times I've held in a fart while getting a blow job, I'd say chivalry is alive & well.

   Saaay, there's that turkey. #bowlwinder

   Afraid of not getting what you ordered when online shopping.....Ha, try online dating

   After my recent blind taste test, I was arrested and put in a mental institution for eating blind people.

   I call it a date, you call it the reason we're meeting in court.

   it spelled Beiber or Bieber? I want this death threat to sound legit.

   I was going to go for a run this morning. Then I remembered I don't run so I put some whiskey in my coffee and sat back down.

   I bet Canadian cops play good cop better cop.

   No autocorrect, I do not want to organism all over her face.

   I can't wait for Tupac's next album

   My daughter just said when she grows up she wants to marry someone just like me. Now I can't stop crying.

   Men and women are twice as likely to confess their problems to Facebok than other individuals.

   I liked Carrie Underwood better when she made that deviled ham.