Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.

   She asked if I was horny, it’s like she doesn’t even know I’m a man.

   You can't spell "housewife" without "ho."

   You call it a "one night stand," I call it "catch and release."

   What color are Paul Walker's eyes? Blue. One blew one way, one blew the other way.

   Great men are forged in fire. It is the privilege of lesser men to light the flame.

   Hey ladies, you know that feeling you get when you roll over & realize you made a horrible mistake? I could give that to you every day.

   Hotels, holiday resorts, airports and restaurants should just go ahead an employ a full time professional photographer to take people's pics they can post on their Facebook walls.

   I just love Cinemax late at night , don't you?

   I never realized how many of my Facebook friends were close with Paul Walker.

   Can Ford stop running Black friday ads already...its freaken Sunday already you a-holes!

   Dudes should not ''poke'' other Dudes on Facebook!

   Stock in Vin Diesel just went down.

   n't there an American Idol Contest somewhere you should be voting for?

   it doenst matter where you click on the ad you will step on the roach

   What do people with spinning flashing inflatable Christmas lawn ornaments think is tacky?

   where the hell was Torreto???

   My stock in Johnny Walker is through the roof!!!

   Hockey is better than football. Hockey is fast, the game keeps moving, way fewer penalties, and play is both strategic and arbitrary. Football is mostly about following patterns. So is a sewing class.

   Rip to the driver that died with Paul Walker that no once cares about because he wasn't famous,