Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Justin Bieber wants to take Paul Walkers place in the new Fast and Furious film. Why doesn't he take his place in the car accident instead?

   He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good 'cause...Santa works for the NSA.

   Great just great...my wife left the seat warmer on in the car now I have to walk around with swamp butt

   Just throwing this out there... Uncle Si from Duck Dynasty as the new Terminator.... the Siborg

   I need a hug and a beer, this climate stuff is stressing me!

   Climate/Climax same difference, both involve changes in temperature.

   I think I'm going to save my good stuff for the after hours crowd, it's Getting Hot In Here!

   ..... Al Gore keeps insisting that dropping global temperatures, out of season and record breaking snowfall around the globe are strong symptoms of global warming. My question to him is ..... Then ...... What would the symptoms of Global Cooling be?

   This climate change stuff is so hilarious...

   Get an education. Global warming/climate change is indicated by extremes. Unusual, extrem heat waves, droughts, hurricane season, sunamus, tornadoes, cold weather systems, blizzards, etc.

   My wife is the most irrational person I've ever met. Well, technically, she's tied for first with every other woman I've met...

   Teachers: Remember, you can't hit the kids but you can still hit the bottle.

   Walk in the club like whaddup I got a... Oh no, Oh God wrong building. I'm so sorry. Continue with your funeral. God bless

   It's scary how your life is based on how well you do as a teenager

   If you have a frownie eat a brownie -My Grandma

   So bored with being bored because being bored is boring!

   I wish someone loved me as much as white women in commercials love yogurt

   I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone

   Every pizza can be a personal pizza if you eat the whole thing

   My favorite part of the day is when theres food