lemonpillow Funny Status Messages

   When people say they've "tied the knot",they mean they got married. Or tied a knot around their neck. Which is the same thing anyways.

   I dream of giving birth to a child who will ask "Mother,what was war?" -Eva Merriam.

   it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on facebook people that you do know, but deliberately choose not to be friends with?

   St. Patricks Day. The only time of the year when people are proud of having a bit of Irish in them.

   We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.

   If Polygram records,Warner Bros,and Keebler merged would the company be called Poly-Warner-Cracker?

   They say that three out of four Americans have a mental illness of some kind. Look at three of your friends. If they seem okay,then you're that person.

   You never really learn how to swear until you begin to drive.

   ..is off to spend some quality time with her gf. Be back in two minutes! :-)

   In just two days, tomor­row will be yes­ter­day!

   Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

   It may look like i'm doing nothing but at the cellular level i'm actually quite busy.

   So it's mothers day and I had trouble deciding what to get my mother-in-law I couldn't choose between a Toyota Prius or a holiday in Haiti, so eventually I plumped for luging lessons in Vancouver.

   Why did God create man? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

   Spent the whole day checking items off my task list. In retrospect, I probably should have used that time to complete tasks

   Copywight 2010 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.

   The other day I threw a boomerang at a ghost. I knew it would come back to haunt me.

   Don't knock the weather. If it didn't change once in awhile,nine out of ten people would have nothing to talk about.

   Doctors tell us there are over seven million people who are overweight. These, of course, are only round figures.