Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Seriously who gives a flying fig about the "Super Bowl"?

   Joe Namath drunk again

   Alright people,I want to see jokes during the game. I have people that think I'm funny!

   Kind of surprised the half time show wasn't performed by the Kottonmouth Kings.

   This holiday season, please keep the 'Groundhog' in Groundhog Day.

   Does it bother anyone else to see so many men excited about watching other men in tights??

   To save money, the other networks should just shut down tonight.

   Dear Americans, you think Obama is bad? google 'Jacob Zuma' - South Africans

   What time does the Puppy Bowl start??

   B-R-O-N-C-O-S

   says looks like Phil won't be seeing anymore of his shadow anymore....PHILip Seymour Hoffman that is.

   I bet Philip Sees more Coffins...."drops mic, gives crowd the middle finger and walks off stage

   I just read that Kanye West is furious at "Vogue" for putting Lena Dunham on the cover instead of Kim Kardashian. Also making Kanye West furious? Umbrellas, garden gnomes, unicorns, public parks, extension cords, pita bread, Diet Coke..

   Pam Oliver looks like Oprah.

   I had a blind girlfriend. Her name was ::.::..:..:::. .::.:...:::.: .

   So Pete saw his shadow today...that means 6 more feet of winter right???

   Missed it by that much. I had Phillip Michael Thomas in the celebrity deadpool...

   Sorry,Philip Seymour Hoffman, hard to say RIP to someone who was so talented,directing 2 films, employing several people, having the world by the tail and to end up being found in a hotel with a needle in his arm.

   GO SEAHAWKS!

   To my beautiful friends in Denver. You have London by your side today. Go Broncos!