Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Watching these individualized Facebook movies while I am alone stinks. There's no one to ask "What did she just do? or Who is that guy?"

   Joe Namath's coat saw it's shadow... 6 more weeks of winter.

   If Kenny Rogers, Cher and Bruce Jenner stood right by a really hot radiator,,, who do you think would melt first?

   Seriously, does it really look like I want to see videos of so many losers on the Face!

   There are ancient caveman hieroglyphics on Joan Rivers' uterine walls.

   I'm having a really bad hair day. All the humidity at this pool is making my hair frizzy, unmanageable, and hang outside my Speedo.

   I just tried to view on my Facebook (a look back) movie and had to agree that I was 18 or older before proceeding.

   I just did the Facebook movie thingy. Mine came back rated R

   Not to brad but you'll probably see a special on A&E about me one day.

   Only Peyton can still set Super Bowl record while team is behind a hundred points

   I just put my left hand in the friend zone

   Time is running out for me to discover the meaning of life

   How does a woman carry a child in her stomach for 9 months, go through all the pain, hold it in her arms, and end up calling it laquisha

   If I've learned one thing from Philip Seymour Hoffman's death, it's that someone needs to introduce Bieber to heroin.

   Depression usually creeps in at the end of the football season, but this year I'll keep myself happy by viewing the highlights of Peyton Manning expressions!

   This Year I'm going to spend Valentine's day with my ex...... Box One

   After appearing in a commercial during the Super Bowl, people are accusing Bob Dylan of selling out. Today Dylan responded by saying, "Everyone needs to calm down, have a Bud Light, and relax at a Sandals Resort."

   She had me when she changed her relationship status to: DTF

   I wondered where all the herion went.

   Again with these egomaniacs, america is the entire continent, not just a country you morons, now get back on your overworked, underpaid never ending rat race to bring up the downjones so just 1% of the population gets wealthy while FOX says the opposite