friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   I don't mean to brag, but after 30 years of marriage, my wife and I still have sex almost every night. We almost had it Friday night, almost Saturday, almost… ツ

   its Friday so you know what that means. I'm busy memorizing my spontaneous, sassy banter I'll use at the bar tonight!!

   FRIDAY......My second favorite F word

   What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and becomes immortal. Is it Commando Friday yet?

   I'm gonna wear dockers with my Hawaiian shirt to work this Friday

   Who do atheists thank for Friday?

   hope the weekend comes as fast as my ex

   Jesus went to a dinner party on thursday, he woke up crucified on friday and he resurrected on sunday. Sounds a lot like my weekends.

   Well unfortunately this year again, I didnt get to buy any kid's gift on Black Friday. So I'm getting them the usual Xmas present. A big pack of batteries and attach a card to it that says "Toys not Included"..... It's the thought that counts right?

   When the world ends tomorrow, I hope it is after 5:00 pm, because I won't get paid for the holiday if I don't work Friday.

   Dear world, please don't end till after after my four day weekend is complete. Thank you.

   I wish I had the remote for the tornado sirens that could make friday a little more interesting around here

   ''Live this friday like it was your last.'' - The Mayans

   To trumpet players died this past weekend......Guessing God is assembling the Trumpets for Rapture this Friday.....

   I drank all weekend and now I'm on my beeriod...

   Thanks iPhone autocorrect, I'm sure my dad wanted to know that I miss going on our weekend fisting trips. Fml

   M̸o̸n̸d̸a̸y̸ - T̸u̸e̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ - W̸e̸d̸n̸e̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ - T̸h̸u̸r̸s̸d̸a̸y̸ - Friday.

   Happy Hump Day this. It's too far in to see the weekend from either direction.

   The soundtrack to my life would just be the sound of a single car door shutting. Every. Single. Weekend.

   Economists are predicting that "black Friday" sales figures will pale in comparison to "the Mayans were wrong Saturday " sales figures...