Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   I'm gonna be your murder consultant. Motherfucker Jones. How'd you get the nickname Motherfucker? When I was a kid I snuck into my mother's bedroom. I've heard enough. I snuck up behind her and then slipped my fingersinto her purse. Purse, he said purse.

   I'm thinking about calling child protective services on Mother Nature.

   Growing up, my mother always used to say in a angry voice : jorje finish up your coffee....there are people in Africa sleeping.... jj

   The worst thing that can ever happen to a hangover is a call from your mother.

   My family's in the Iron and Steel buisness. My mother irons and my father steals.

   Why does the weather man try and educate me on mother nature? Bro, just tell me pants or shorts tomorrow... hoodie or jacket...

   The worst sight in the world is...SEEING YOUR MOTHER CRY.

   I'm pretty sure Whoopi Goldberg is Lil Wayne's real mother or long lost sister.

   Saw a homeless woman with a sign that said, "Mother of two. Please help." So I gave her some condoms.

   I'm pretty sure Whoopi Goldberg is Lil Wayne's real mother..

   Only with my mother could me saying "getting old sucks" be heard as "getting oral s*x".

   Adam and Eve had an ideal relationship. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam's mother cooked.

   Trying to get someone to agree with your political or religious viewpoint, is as futile as trying to convince a mother that her baby isn't the cutest thing ever.

   Why do meteorologists try and educate me on the workings of mother nature?  Dude, just tell me pants or shorts tomorrow...

   I'm calling child protective services on Mother Nature.

   You simply have not lived until your dad's sperm fertilizes your mother's egg.

   My mother never breast fed me. She told me she likes me as a friend.

   Spent the last 40 mins. on the phone with my mother, regrettably the first rule of Zumba class is nothing like the first rule of Fight Club.

   Mother Nature's best aphrodisiac is still a naked woman. If your man needs pills to get it up, maybe you are not as sexy as you assumed.

   Got my passport application forms back today. Apparently in the Place of Birth section:"between my mother's legs" isn't an acceptable answer!!!