Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Hey you ok? I haven't seen you post a selife in like 5 minutes.

   "I had no choice" - People who had a choice but feared the consequences

   No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.

   I dont listen, I just watch people talk.

   We have matching problems. Must be fate.

   To be fair, your friends never thought you were funny. Maybe They just figured out where you got your material. How bout you contribute some one liners for the rest of us.

   My ex girlfriend's facebook movie is already in the buy one get one free bin at the adult movie store.

   What's more shocking than finding out Shirley Temple has died? Finding out Shirley Temple was still alive.

   love aint about first sight anymore..it has evolved into endsight,hindsight nd foresight..so dont be short sight..

   nothin will boost your confidence more than beating that p**** up

   I never understand when people say that the Mona Lisa was Leonardo da Vinci's best work. He was pretty damned good in the Titanic if you ask me.

   Bruce Springsteen is my favorite Beatle

   Shirley Temple, a wonderful example that making sex tapes, twerking, and going to re-hab are NOT necessary to make it in Hollywood. Classy is ALWAYS in style!!!

   aaand my friends don't think I'm funny anymore.

   Valentine's Day...... "My wallet ain't got time for dat!"

   If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment

   Rip: Shirley Temple

   after this status is written there will be 116 characters left, just sitting there not being used. Be a shame to waste them. Who wants em?

   The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.

   We all end up as stories to be told long after we are gone. Some boring, some tragic, some exciting.