Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Bob Costas' eyes went down on Ludmila Pachinko.

   Idiots who have lift kits on their trucks and have over 22 inch rims use Axe on their tires.

   DOCTORS WRITING: "﹏﹏ ﹏﹏ ﹏﹏." HOW I SEE IT: "∮₪₮￦￡." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Damn Aspirin."

   I dont drink these days. I am Allergic to alcohol and Narcotics. I break out in handcuffs.

   Paul Walker dies in a car crash and the snake handling preacher dies from a snake bite. If I was Miley Cyrus I wouldn't go around any construction sites

   Ok mother nature we beat the snow record now there's no need to run the score up!

   Stalking: contacting, or attempting to contact, a person by any means.

   Most of them had experienced a broken home caused by divorce, or a lack of discipline in the home, and emotional neglect. The attention in the household is on the parents rather than the child.

   They lack empathy and guilt, and are egocentric and do not conform to social, moral and legal norms.

   The main motives of stalks and serial killers are Visionary, Mission-oriented, Lust, Thrill, Comfort (profit), Power, and Media.

   I'm not sure I buy that, "An apple a day" expression any more. As a matter of fact, I'm completely convinced apples are bad news. Just look at Eve, Snow White, or any pig at a Hawaiian Luau.

   Stalkers are like serial killers; they always want to be in the mind of their victims.

   Silence is the last refuge.

   if I hear one more person say "its not that kind of party...put your pants back on"....i'm gonna lose it.

   Snow is herpes of the weather

   There's no better way to judge potential actors than people on their first date on match. Com

   A Polish Olympian won a a gold medal for the speed skating. He's going to have it bronzed.

   Today I accidentally dropped my sunglasses into the toilet and flushed them. Tomorrow a very cool alligator will rule the sewers.

   I am against anything that puts a man on his knees.

   The best thing about Valentine's Day is that it's over.