santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Bought all of my Christmas gifts really early this year, Hope everyone likes Halloween costumes

   All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money

   I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Heck ... Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?

   This Wiki Leaks is getting out of control -- They just leaked Santa's Christmas list.

   SCORE!!! .... I just bought my wife a 20 pound bag of Diamonds for Christmas......well they're diamonds in the rough....Well ... maybe EARLY stage diamonds...... but with enough time and pressure......they will be diamonds......Thanks Kingsford !

   ....... HA ... The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 12 more times before then.

   ...... .♫♪♫..... it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas... ♫♪♫

   Decided to put up a Christmas tree this year....wrestled with it a bit..finally got in in place... it smells like Christmas now.. and it looks real cool, hanging from my car's rear view mirror.

   I think it's time I go outside and pretend I'm putting up Christmas lights I never took down from last year.

   Christmas - The time of year when you can get the whole dysfunctional family together under one roof!

   The Lexus commercials with the Christmas bow on the car never show the pissed off wife yelling "You're an idiot Tom! We can't afford this!"

   This Christmas you can either join the Mile High club or the less prestigious Rock Bottom club, having sex on a Greyhound bus. If that's not rock bottom, I don't know what is.

   My Christmas tree wasn't the only thing that got lit up last weekend!!

   Be honest....has ANYONE ever eaten the Fruit Cake they got for Christmas?

   To any of my single Lady friends, if your wish to have me naked for Christmas, private message me. Thanks.

   if I Really tell Santa what I want for Christmas, Then I will definitely be on his naughty list ...

   All of these years in therapy have finally paid off folks... Turns out my therapist just recommended I get supervision this festive season. I have always wanted super powers! BEST Christmas present ever...

   Kinda bummed that every Christmas for the last 12 years, I've been way too drunk to remember all the good times and the laughter we shared. Well, I leaned my lesson. It's time to get my act together for the family. This Christmas, I'm hiring a cameraman.

   FINALLY!!! ..... I'm not being harassed incessantly by my family and coworkers for listening to Christmas Music. It was really rough back in July tho.

   PUBLIC CHRISTMAS SAFETY ANNOUNCEMENT: .... Always remember, If you got a big-screen TV for Christmas, be sure to put the empty box out with your neighbor's trash. That way, their house will get robbed instead of yours.