santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   I gave Santa Chocolate Laxative chip cookies...

   I wish I loved anything as much as Santa loves rich kids.

   So over Christmas porn, there is only so much elf sex one can watch

   Shout Out to the Kids in the Projects that left some Milk & Cookies out for Santa but the Roaches got 2 it first.

   Christmas; Another day of choreographed kindness and fake concern.

   I wish I was Santa...he knows where the naught women live

   Merry hammered people! I'm Christmas!

   If everyone that receives a fruitcake for Christmas donates them to the government, Trump can build the brick wall!

   Fun Christmas prank: give your mom a new iPhone then refuse to help her set it up

   I was going to wish merry christmas to all of the women that accused Trump of groping but I cant find them.

   Evidently Cheering and doing play by play while my wife is wrapping presents wasn't the help she was looking for.

   Remember ladys, being good may get you a few nice presents but being naughty will get you diamonds.

   Here's a list of my favourite xmas carols.

   Every Who down in Whoville liked Christmas a lot. But the Grinch who lived just North of Whoville did not!

   The first rule of Christmas Fight Club is don't buy her anything half a size bigger than she is because clearly you're implying something..

   I don't care what you say. Arbor Day and Christmas are cousins.

   Dear Santa, yea I was naughty this year ..and it was worth it, you fat, judgmental b*stard!

   I just found out that my wife is actually Mrs. Santa Claus!! At least that's what my kids tell me.

   The people who insist you say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" are just trying to Police Navidad.

   On the 12th Day of Christmas my Facebook gave to me, 12 dudes I'm blocking, 11 friends just watching, 10 corny topics, 9 busted barbies, 8 friends complaining, 7 stalkers stalking, 6 party invites, Fiiiiiiiiiiiiive Drama Queeeensssss,