friday OR weekend Funny Status Messages

   FYI - Remember to set your clocks forward an hour this weekend because we can only afford 23 hours a day now due to the sequester......

   I'm already sorry for what I'm going to do this weekend.

   If this weekend were any shorter it would be called a Kim Kardashian marriage.

   Weekend forecast: feasting, imbibing and severe debauchering!

   Got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I'm gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist and a priest.

   FYI Atheist do not have to thank anyone for Friday because Friday is a free natural phenomenon.

   Sorry you're an atheist and have no one to thank its Friday.

   Why are you all so excited it's Friday? Monday will be here in 5 minutes.

   Friday! There you are, you sexy son of a btich! We've been lookin for you since Monday!

   The search for Friday night is followed much too quickly by the discovery of Monday morning.

   Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since Friday.

   I have an actual date this weekend so if any of you are in love with me, you better say something or forever hold your peace.

   I don't mean to brag, but after 30 years of marriage, my wife and I still have sex almost every night. We almost had it Friday night, almost Saturday, almost… ツ

   its Friday so you know what that means. I'm busy memorizing my spontaneous, sassy banter I'll use at the bar tonight!!

   FRIDAY......My second favorite F word

   What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and becomes immortal. Is it Commando Friday yet?

   I'm gonna wear dockers with my Hawaiian shirt to work this Friday

   Who do atheists thank for Friday?

   hope the weekend comes as fast as my ex

   Jesus went to a dinner party on thursday, he woke up crucified on friday and he resurrected on sunday. Sounds a lot like my weekends.