santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   No New Year, No Groundhog, No Valintine, and now no New President. Holidays suck anymore.

   Okay now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for summer!

   To get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays, put it in an Amazon box and leave it on the porch.

   Funny Christmas

   After Christmas

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I surprised my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   Don't forget to tip your food delivery drivers this Christmas as Santa is watching, who's also a delivery guy.

   Like what about tall apartment buildings? Does Santa ride the elevator to each floor? How does he carry all the presents in one bag and how does he get into the apartments? I can't wrap my mind around it.

   Wrapping some Christmas presents and just want to say that if any of you get a really nice pair of scissors from me I need them back.

   If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas.

   Holiday tip: If any of you receive a call from a telemarketer and there's a kid under 5 years old nearby, hand the kid the phone and tell them its Santa.

   It's beginning to look a lot like I'm going to have to go on a diet after Christmas.

   It wasn't the Grinch that stole Christmas. It was the power bill, the gas bill, the water bill, the phone bill, rent, insurance, car payment, not to mention grocery prices.

   Just a reminder: Walmart will be closed on Christmas Day so both cashiers can be with their families.

   Christmas and Thanksgiving should be at least 6 months apart. It's insane to see these people again so soon. Absurd.

   My parents have been attending their own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since 1984.

   How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh? Nothing it’s on the house!

   If anyone’s wondering what to get me this year all I want for Christmas is summer.

   Not a lot of great things listed in Craigslist free section today. Unless any of you guys would like a slightly used mattress for Christmas?

   Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don't work and the other half aren't so bright.