santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   This Christmas instead of gifts I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

   I hate to break it to ya, ladies... but those Christmas cookies you bake every holiday season? Not that good.

   Today's advice: sing Christmas songs at work until they send you home.

   Starting today, anyone who even mildly annoys me is having their number handed out to every child I come across, and told that it's Santa's hotline.

   I didn't even know what to buy people for Christmas until I heard about these exploding pagers and walki-talkies.

   What did the little black boy get for Christmas? My bike.

   Well, it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now!

   No New Year, No Groundhog, No Valintine, and now no New President. Holidays suck anymore.

   Okay now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for summer!

   To get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays, put it in an Amazon box and leave it on the porch.

   Funny Christmas

   After Christmas

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I surprised my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   Don't forget to tip your food delivery drivers this Christmas as Santa is watching, who's also a delivery guy.

   Like what about tall apartment buildings? Does Santa ride the elevator to each floor? How does he carry all the presents in one bag and how does he get into the apartments? I can't wrap my mind around it.

   Wrapping some Christmas presents and just want to say that if any of you get a really nice pair of scissors from me I need them back.

   If Merry Christmas offends you, then Merry Christmas.

   Holiday tip: If any of you receive a call from a telemarketer and there's a kid under 5 years old nearby, hand the kid the phone and tell them its Santa.

   It's beginning to look a lot like I'm going to have to go on a diet after Christmas.

   It wasn't the Grinch that stole Christmas. It was the power bill, the gas bill, the water bill, the phone bill, rent, insurance, car payment, not to mention grocery prices.