santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Drones over New Jersey? That's just Amazon delivering Christmas presents. No biggie.

   Santa said the illegals have been so bad this year that they were put on top of the ICE list

   Santa said I've been so good this year that he put me at the top of his nice list.

   Just checked my bank account. And it looks like everyone is getting text messages for Christmas.

   Before you mock children who still believe in Santa, remember there are still adults who believe everything they read on Facebook.

   Santa has been reading your posts all year. Most of you are getting dictionaries.

   This Christmas instead of gifts I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

   I hate to break it to ya, ladies... but those Christmas cookies you bake every holiday season? Not that good.

   Today's advice: sing Christmas songs at work until they send you home.

   Starting today, anyone who even mildly annoys me is having their number handed out to every child I come across, and told that it's Santa's hotline.

   I didn't even know what to buy people for Christmas until I heard about these exploding pagers and walki-talkies.

   What did the little black boy get for Christmas? My bike.

   Well, it's July and almost 100 degrees. Walmart should be putting the Christmas stuff out any day now!

   No New Year, No Groundhog, No Valintine, and now no New President. Holidays suck anymore.

   Okay now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for summer!

   To get rid of unwanted junk during the holidays, put it in an Amazon box and leave it on the porch.

   Funny Christmas

   After Christmas

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I surprised my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   Don't forget to tip your food delivery drivers this Christmas as Santa is watching, who's also a delivery guy.