Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Hi, you’ve reached my voicemail... Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn’t be done over text.

   If I liked a pic of you and your man, it doesn't mean I'm mature... It means holla at me if he acting up.

   When I get a girl I'm gonna show her off. Guys who think being sweet to their girl is lame have that childish mindstate.

   If you don't grab your girls booty at least 46 times a day, you're living life all wrong.

   When girls are mad at you, there's a typo in every word 'cuz they texting so fast.

   Most women don't even need to workout. Y'all burn enough calories jumping to conclusions.

   Sometimes you just gotta text your ex and remind them they ain't sh*t... Just in case they forgot.

   When I say 'Netflix & Chill' sometimes I mean that. Stop kissin' my neck and watch this serial killer documentary with me or get the tf out.

   If you ever see your girl smiling at her phone, she probably laughing at my posts and picturing our life together after she leaves you.

   From now on, if we text longer than a week, we better fall in love. If not, you paying my phone bill for wasting my unlimited texts.

   Don't text me after 11 pm unless you're offering me sex or bringing me food.

   If you gotta look thru someone's phone, you shouldn't be with 'em. Quit being insecure, that sh*t is unattractive.

   Winter is coming. Women about to steal your heart and your hoodie.

   If 90's R&B comes on in the bedroom, we making a baby. I don't care.

   I don't care if you catch me creeping your page. I'll like 74 of your posts in a row, what you gonna do about it.

   Why do we only crave what's bad for us? Alcohol, deep fried food, cake... You never hear anyone say "I'd kill for some salad."

   Who decided to call the man purse a satchel and not a douchebag?

   We just got a fax at work. We didn't know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.

   What idiot called it "leaving right after sex" and not "nuts and bolts" ?

   Calm your tit. Just one tit. Leave your other one crazy and out of control. That's your party tit.