Leeferd Funny Status Messages

   If I sat down for 10 seconds with a pad and pen, I could totally write a song for Yo Gabba Gabba!

   has thrown games of "Hangman" to intentionally kill that guy.

   Woke up naked in a Quick Lube. I'm on the lift. No sign of my car. This can't be good.

   You know you're in the ghetto when the liquor stores have posters of Tanqueray, Black & Milds, and signs for a 2 piece chicken dinner special in the window.

   There is a difference between a porn stash and a porn 'stache.

   wonders what the guys from Color Me Badd are doing nowadays because I need a new roof.

   Some people say I'm too brutally honest. The truth hurts... and I don't carry band-aids.

   I like to pretend I'm a judge on "So You Think You Can Dance" when I'm at the strip club.

   Snap! Crackle! F*ck!? Did I just put something metal in the microwave?

   wants the Micro Machines Man to do my eulogy.

   wished mosquitoes sucked fat instead of blood.

   Dear 5 Hour Energy, What in the HELL is your idea of this flavor you call "berry?" Dingle?!

   John Mellencamp was a visionary because he knew that Cougar in 2010 would have a very different meaning

   My MIL takes the F out of MILF.

   Guys with phone holsters surely would have been gunned down quickly in the old west.

   I've seen as many smart people today as Stevie Wonder has.

   I'm putting out my own sex tape. Sure, it's only duct tape, but you can use it for sex too.

   tired of these rock bands all sounding the same. They should all just rename themselves "Puddle of NickelCreed."

   There's a guy sitting next to me on the plane that looks like Jesus Christ. Just handed him a bottle of water and said, "Merlot, please."

   A dog is man's best friend. In some states, they're friends with benefits.