DaNnY Funny Status Messages

   Famous Marilyn Monroe dress sold for $4.6 million. I bet Joe DiMaggio sent more shots against that dress than the wall at Yankee Stadium!

   Closing all the internet windows by the time your boss gets to your desk is like getting the keys into the door before the killer gets you.

   Life is Great, if it was any better, I would have to charge myself admission!

   The words that sunk a million hearts... "Let's just be friends"

   I finally figured out how to f*ck myself... Take that, people that tell me to f*ck myself!

   learned a lot about relationships from Super Mario Bros..sometimes, You have to pound a few Dragons to get to the Princess

   typing the postcodes of nudist colonies into Google Earth and pressing 'zoom'...

   The only perfect science is hindsight.

   ♥ True love doesn't have a happy ending. It has NO ending ♥

   a man donates blood to his girlfriend. they break up. he says he wants his blood back. she throws a tampon at him and yells 'I'll pay you monthly!!'

   The Devil came in all his glory to tempt and recruit me, realized who he was talking to, apologized, and asked me for a job application instead.

   If I buy a teddy bear for $5, name it Mohammed and sell it for $10, have I made of prophet?

   Whats the difference between Justin Bieber And a Snickers bar? A snIckers bar has nuts.

   Sometimes I fill up my blow up doll with helium so its playing hard to get.

   I fight evil wherever it may be….except in dark, scary places.

   Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

   When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, “Give me a table near a waiter.”

   Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other one off.

   I'm gonna assume my sisters email got hacked and that she has not really resorted to becoming a penis pump sales person..

   I've Decided To Get MARRIED :All Women May Now FORM AN ORDERLY LINE...... .. Only The Most Beautiful Or The Very Rich Women Need Apply . . Please Send Me A Private Message With Your Photo or A copy Of Your Bank Balance ,The Winner Will Notified By email