Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1938 of 6446

Pretty sure I'll pet an owl before I have sex again.
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05-24-2014 12:34 by Baddie
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If you're feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.

I learned how to kiss from watching my dog drink from the garden hose.
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05-24-2014 12:17 by Baddie
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Say what you want about Canada but they successfully got rid of Justin Bieber.
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05-24-2014 12:12 by Baddie
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If you drink enough alcohol, stairs become an extreme sport.
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05-24-2014 12:12 by Baddie
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Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
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05-24-2014 12:11 by Baddie
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Behind every husband is a wife, saying "You're gonna wear that?", "Did you do those things yet?", "Are we lost?", "Are you listening to me?"
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05-24-2014 11:35
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it a natural defense mechanism for men to watch TV with a hand down their pants? In case we kick you in the nuts for hogging the remote?
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05-24-2014 11:33
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If you have to ask if the sex was good... It wasn't.
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05-24-2014 11:30
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It's bad manners to ask someone how many people they've murdered.
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05-24-2014 11:04
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You'll never realise how nice some people are until they need something.
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05-24-2014 10:47
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Women like men who are emotionally available. Write that down.
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05-24-2014 10:38
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Babies are a receipt that you've had sex..
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05-24-2014 10:37
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I don't expect you to read my mind, you'll know how I feel when I set your stuff on fire.
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05-24-2014 10:35
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I don't blame you. I would spank me too.
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05-24-2014 10:34
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Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can't think of a good reply"?
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05-24-2014 05:08
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Got my Soap & Shampoo and am patiently awaiting the meteor shower.
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05-24-2014 03:37
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Oscar Wilde's last words were, "Either that wallpaper goes or I go."
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05-24-2014 02:29
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Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.
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05-23-2014 21:42 by BEGO
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Call me traditional, but marriage should stay between a woman afraid of being alone & a man who finally caves after years of her pressure.
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05-23-2014 21:41 by BEGO
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