Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Pretty sure I'll pet an owl before I have sex again.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:34 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're feeling bored, find a group photo of four girls on instagram and then comment "you three look great!" Wait and grab popcorn.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:31 by StonerDudee Comments (0)  


   messageicon I learned how to kiss from watching my dog drink from the garden hose.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:17 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Say what you want about Canada but they successfully got rid of Justin Bieber.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:12 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you drink enough alcohol, stairs become an extreme sport.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:12 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
←Rate | 05-24-2014 12:11 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Behind every husband is a wife, saying "You're gonna wear that?", "Did you do those things yet?", "Are we lost?", "Are you listening to me?"
←Rate | 05-24-2014 11:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon it a natural defense mechanism for men to watch TV with a hand down their pants? In case we kick you in the nuts for hogging the remote?
←Rate | 05-24-2014 11:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you have to ask if the sex was good... It wasn't.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 11:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's bad manners to ask someone how many people they've murdered.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 11:04 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'll never realise how nice some people are until they need something.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 10:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women like men who are emotionally available. Write that down.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 10:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Babies are a receipt that you've had sex..
←Rate | 05-24-2014 10:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't expect you to read my mind, you'll know how I feel when I set your stuff on fire.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 10:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't blame you. I would spank me too.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 10:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can't think of a good reply"?
←Rate | 05-24-2014 05:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got my Soap & Shampoo and am patiently awaiting the meteor shower.
←Rate | 05-24-2014 03:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oscar Wilde's last words were, "Either that wallpaper goes or I go."
←Rate | 05-24-2014 02:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 21:42 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Call me traditional, but marriage should stay between a woman afraid of being alone & a man who finally caves after years of her pressure.
←Rate | 05-23-2014 21:41 by BEGO Comments (0)  




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