Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1934 of 6446

Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you can start a fishing school. Make lots of money. Then feed your family steak.
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05-27-2014 20:28 by snotty
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I'm starting to wish I were a werewolf so I'd have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.
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05-27-2014 18:14
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I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog & she was like, "I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"
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05-27-2014 16:25
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Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you needed.
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05-27-2014 16:25
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Well, it's 12:30pm and I have seven dollar bills to my name. I guess it's that age old question: Lunch? Or Lotto scratchers.

You may say I'm addicted to Facebook but I prefer to call it my second childhood...
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05-27-2014 14:49
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I can't wait until all these 100 days of happiness people get to day 69. Maybe then my news feed will finally be interesting

My neighbor is crazy. After playing some Justin Bieber at high volume at 7 o'clock this morning, he commited suicide by shooting himself 8 times in the back with my gun.
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05-27-2014 07:07
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"I don't care what X-MEN did at the box office." -Godzilla
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05-27-2014 00:49
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I started a band called 999 Megabytes..... We haven’t gotten a gig yet.
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05-26-2014 21:51 by snotty
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Girls who are obsessed with celebrities need to get a life
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05-26-2014 21:35 by BEGO
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Nice try "blocked" number, but I don't even answer the phone for people I know.
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05-26-2014 21:23 by BEGO
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Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. I'll be coloring your hair today. Prepare to dye.
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05-26-2014 20:34 by snotty
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I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
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05-26-2014 20:30 by snotty
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America sacrificed its hero's to be free, so idiots like you can post stupid status
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05-26-2014 18:21
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The only bad beer is an unopened one.
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05-26-2014 15:20
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I don't mean to brag but I'm still single.
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05-26-2014 15:07
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Axe just released 3 new scented body sprays. 1 New skateboard 2 Halo 3 3 Mom I'm hungry
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05-26-2014 15:03 by Baddie
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Not to brag, but I'm a functioning Facebook addict.
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05-26-2014 15:01
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Candy corn is just like regular corn except it dances on poles and doesn't know who it's dad is
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05-26-2014 14:55
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