Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 1934 of 6446

   messageicon Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you can start a fishing school. Make lots of money. Then feed your family steak.
←Rate | 05-27-2014 20:28 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm starting to wish I were a werewolf so I'd have a better reason for waking up nude in public with no memory of how I got there.
←Rate | 05-27-2014 18:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane's dog & she was like, "I've never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"
←Rate | 05-27-2014 16:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you needed.
←Rate | 05-27-2014 16:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, it's 12:30pm and I have seven dollar bills to my name. I guess it's that age old question: Lunch? Or Lotto scratchers.
←Rate | 05-27-2014 15:30 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon You may say I'm addicted to Facebook but I prefer to call it my second childhood...
←Rate | 05-27-2014 14:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't wait until all these 100 days of happiness people get to day 69. Maybe then my news feed will finally be interesting
←Rate | 05-27-2014 10:30 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor is crazy. After playing some Justin Bieber at high volume at 7 o'clock this morning, he commited suicide by shooting himself 8 times in the back with my gun.
←Rate | 05-27-2014 07:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I don't care what X-MEN did at the box office." -Godzilla
←Rate | 05-27-2014 00:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I started a band called 999 Megabytes..... We haven’t gotten a gig yet.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 21:51 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon Girls who are obsessed with celebrities need to get a life
←Rate | 05-26-2014 21:35 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nice try "blocked" number, but I don't even answer the phone for people I know.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 21:23 by BEGO Comments (1)  


   messageicon Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. I'll be coloring your hair today. Prepare to dye.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 20:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve been in this McDonald’s restroom for over an hour, waiting for an employee to wash my hands.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 20:30 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon America sacrificed its hero's to be free, so idiots like you can post stupid status
←Rate | 05-26-2014 18:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only bad beer is an unopened one.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 15:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mean to brag but I'm still single.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Axe just released 3 new scented body sprays. 1 New skateboard 2 Halo 3 3 Mom I'm hungry
←Rate | 05-26-2014 15:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag, but I'm a functioning Facebook addict.
←Rate | 05-26-2014 15:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Candy corn is just like regular corn except it dances on poles and doesn't know who it's dad is
←Rate | 05-26-2014 14:55 Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left