Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Did anyone else get upset when they found out that George Lucas filmed most of Star Wars here on Earth?

   Breaking up with someone because you told them a joke and they didn't laugh is a good enough reason.

   Question for the Christian folks...When Moses parted the red sea, did he say anything? Like Ta-Daaaaaa!!!

   Everyone knows you can just buy M&M's instead of trail mix,, right?

   If Godzilla ever goes on a rampage in Florida, I would move to Lego Lan. Because nobody likes stepping on a Lego #GodzillaKryptonite

   If your camel toe looks like a elephants hoof, you might want to rethink the yoga pants.

   Shouldn't we get paid to use the self-service checkouts in supermarkets? It's like we work there for a little while.

   The Zoo is a safe place to fart.

   President OBama hires pinocchio as new Press Secretary.

   Jay Carney steps down as White House press secretary to rejoin Weezer.

   You don’t get to choose who you love but you get to choose which underwear you’ll wear tomorrow and that shouldn’t be taken for granted.

   Hello passengers, this is your pilot speaking and it's going down. I'm yelling timber

   I like to think that "I don't give a f*&k', but I don't not give a f*&k nearly as much as this dude sitting next to me on the train whos watching hardcore anime p0rn.

   So I want you Close your eyes and think of something that you either want or need that would make you happy..dissapointing, right?

   My dog is a typical guy, I talk to him and he's all wagging his tail, but I know he's not listening. I get it ladies

   The amount of stuff coming out of this woman's handbag as she searched for her keys, I wouldn't be surprised if that missing Malaysian plane is in there too.

   I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren't we helping to find them?

   You haven’t truly won an argument until the other person says “whatever" !

   Are you still a girl if you don't put a smile face at the end of a text?

   Dear customer service: I’m typing this with my middle fingers, if that tells you anything about my satisfaction.