Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I like to throw hostesses off by shooting back at them with, "Do I look Native American?" after they ask me if I have a reservation.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 19:10 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 19:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My version of flirting is looking at someone attractive multiple times while hoping they are more brave than I am.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 18:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those of you who like food pictures, have you never been in a supermarket?
←Rate | 06-05-2014 17:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 15:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you can moonwalk out of a police station without bumping into anything they have to drop all charges.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 13:41 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Obama 'I don't believe military intervention in Syria is the right move for America at this moment'.. In other News..No oil found in Syria
←Rate | 06-05-2014 13:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I died for your sins. Now suck my ding dong! -Jesus
←Rate | 06-05-2014 13:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon [Jesus goes over the bill at the last supper] "Why would-[closes eyes & rubs bridge of nose]-Why would anyone order wine?"
←Rate | 06-05-2014 13:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My safe word is, "gross"
←Rate | 06-05-2014 13:01 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Excuse me sir; you left your weird Jesus pamphlet on your bus seat. Oh yeah? Well here's a revelation for you: that's called littering.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 13:00 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just went to the sperm bank but I left. Too many jerkoffs.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 12:59 by Michael F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know what you did 23 summers ago - Women
←Rate | 06-05-2014 12:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon We have great chemistry and amazing physics.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 12:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Justin Bieber has changed his name, at least on Instagram, to "Bizzle" apparently in order to up his "street cred". Why can't Bieber just up his street cred like rappers do and get shot?
←Rate | 06-05-2014 12:12 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Justin Beiber's publicist reports that Justinwant to change his name to "Bizzle" to increase his street cred. However music industry insiders say his new name will more than likely be "Justinutha Lonelynizzle"
←Rate | 06-05-2014 11:44 by Jiffy Pop Comments (0)  


   messageicon Making the cats chase the laser pointer. Re-establishing who is boss, for now.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 10:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All women have at least one pair of jeans in their closet that’s trying to kill them.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 10:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‪#‎TBT‬ 1990's: Street lights are on; belts off. get your ass home!
←Rate | 06-05-2014 10:15 by Jeffafa Comments (0)  


   messageicon If it isn't one damn thing after another, it's the same damn thing over and over again.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 09:54 Comments (0)  




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