Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1922 of 6446

i cant believe that cop put me in the backseat when I clearly called shotgun
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06-07-2014 11:14
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my friends think there is something wrong with me, where's all the funny stuff?
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06-07-2014 09:43
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My safe word is "the c0ndom broke".
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06-07-2014 09:42
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This would be a lot more fun drunk - Me, to everything
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06-07-2014 05:49
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If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
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06-07-2014 00:49 by Daheavy1
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PRO TIP: You can use crunchy food to block out conversations of people you hate.
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06-06-2014 21:32 by snotty
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Throwing your cat at the intruder & shouting release the hounds does nothing for,,,,,,,, A) Your property... B) Your cat... C) Both...
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06-06-2014 21:29 by snotty
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I hear boomerangs are making a comeback
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06-06-2014 21:24 by snotty
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Watching the kids play hide and seek in the park,,, and mine just hid behind a chain link fence.. at least I don't have to save for college
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06-06-2014 20:57 by snotty
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As an adult, true confidence can only be measured by taking a dump, and doing ONE no look wipe and walking away with a smile on your face. Period.
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06-06-2014 19:55 by MAC
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A company in Japan says it will start selling human-like robots that can babysit your children. That story again: Japan is making a robot that can turn on a TV.
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06-06-2014 16:37 by Mark M
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Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
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06-06-2014 16:17
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My sister just walked in from the pool wearing her new bathing suit...a dyed black parachute.
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06-06-2014 15:57 by Michael F
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If your other half is being cold, try setting them on fire, it never fails
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06-06-2014 15:40
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The average human walks 900 miles per year and drinks 22 gallons of beer. This means the average human gets 41 miles per gallon. Not Bad.
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06-06-2014 15:26 by DragonJC
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So last night the spurs beat the heat. Oh and they beat Miami too
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06-06-2014 14:42 by Caso
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The thing I love about my ex is she didn't take up much space in the trunk.
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06-06-2014 14:24
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I've been waking up with a headache for years Unfortunately I'm married to it.
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06-06-2014 12:31
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This empty wallet looks like I'll be laughing obnoxiously at some guy's awful jokes in a bar tonight.
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06-06-2014 12:24
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Officer: can I see your driver's licence please madam? Me: I have a driver's licence?
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06-06-2014 12:21
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