Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If you don't like Star Wars puns, you R2 boring for me.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 05:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if actors line their walls with autographed pictures of restaurant owners and dry cleaners.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 05:23 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girl, this is gonna be an amazing night *bookcase rotates to reveal wall of wrestling DVDs* Ok, so which WrestleManias have you not seen
←Rate | 06-12-2014 03:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When fat people spoon, is it called ladling?
←Rate | 06-12-2014 03:18 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has marriage been on Mythbusters yet?
←Rate | 06-12-2014 03:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may have found my coffee limit. I'm sitting on my hands to stop them from shaking. Related- I no longer need batteries.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 03:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure the cause of all divorces can be traced back to marriage.
←Rate | 06-12-2014 02:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My relationship status went from being "single" to "still single"
←Rate | 06-12-2014 02:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My order says "Family Meal". And I say, "I am a family of one"
←Rate | 06-12-2014 00:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I REPEAT,,,, THE ESCAPED OCTOPUS IS HEAVILY ARMED
←Rate | 06-11-2014 22:51 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate it when TV shows say they contain “adult situations” but then don’t show anyone going to a job they hate, paying their bills or cleaning up their kid’s vomit.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 19:10 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: I do my best proofreading after I hit send.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 19:09 by Huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hey Bro, wanna go to lunch?" Sorry I can't, I'm on the Govt. Lunch Program....can't afford to eat :/
←Rate | 06-11-2014 15:01 by Goodeolboy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I silently fart in bed I always ask the wife if she smells popcorn so she will take a big whiff looking for the popcorn smell...I'm just evil like that.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 09:57 by Gripenfelter Comments (1)  


   messageicon Looks like Eric Cantor was defeated by some Brat.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 09:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just in time for the Summer, UKIP is set to launch a new range of tents. They're like normal tents but without any poles...
←Rate | 06-11-2014 08:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon BBC News: "A body has been found in a fridge freezer with all body parts separated. The police are treating this case as suspicious."
←Rate | 06-11-2014 08:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's a list of the things I have to look forward to today: 1. - 2. - 3. 4. - 5. Drinking after work
←Rate | 06-11-2014 08:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sex so good you forget to take a selfie.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 08:23 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "It's summer! Yay! No more school shootings!" - American children.
←Rate | 06-11-2014 08:22 by SEAN Comments (0)  




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