Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I refuse to jump on the 'I hate Mondays'bandwagon. I hate all workdays equally

   Women who like to have a gay BFF;Yes its all fun and games until he try and steal your man.

   So the Pope has parted ways with the Mafia? I love how humans picks other humans to lord over them.

   The Pope has excommunicated the Mafia? When will the internal struggles end within the Roman church. Can't they all just get along like the one big family that they are?

   Sticks and Stones and Trademarks may break my bones

   How the heck can people get so excited over a game that can end in a tie? Is it gratifying when you're kissing your sister as well?

   Depending on the boob, the Bra is either the best or worst invention ever.

   I love scary movies. I've seen Ghostbusters at least 6 times.

   Sing it with me! I ...... I believe.... I believe that they just tied. I believe that they just tied. I believe that they just tied.

   Back in the 60's the pot called the kettle a different word.

   Beauty lies in the eye of the beer-holder.

   Sorry I told you I could tell you don't give your husband BJs from the look he had in your family portrait.

   I get all my dating advice from my Wife's boyfriend. Then I do the opposite.

   At least pizza won't keep you up at night with it's loud snoring

   Soccer would probably be a lot more popular in the USA if they put cheerleaders on the sidelines, ran with a football, and scored touchdowns

   Every time I think I'm ready for a serious relationship again, I just remember that I like having sex

   Anything you can do I'll b*tch about later.

   I'm looking forward to avoiding spending time with you

   Never ask yourself "Can I do this?" Instead, ask yourself "Where can I take a nap?"

   She loves me *pluck* She loves me not *pluck* What? This bird only has two wings?