Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   It's so depressing how the <3 symbol looks like someone dropped their ice cream cone.

   Look officer, I'm a woman I answer to no one.

   I don't know if anyone been in the new Mus-lim clothing store in the mall but I suggest you don't ask if they have any bomber jackets in stock....They didn't like that at all.

   "We look down on other fish fingers" - A Birds Eye view.

   Dear Automatic Toilet Flusher: I appreciate your enthusiasm but I wasn't done yet.

   my safe word is "is that blood?!"

   A woman that doesn't ask for nothing deserves everything

   It's not love if she takes the money off of the dresser.

   Your restraining order says NO But your lazy eye says.......maybe later.

   “Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN

   "I just want a man who is honest, and will tell me what he is thinking" - Wishful thinking by women

   "When people fight and hate and kill over Me I'm obviously very flattered." - GOD

   It's funny how you become mom's new favorite when your sibling goes to jail.

   Maybe cops who plant evidence just really love gardening.

   Cooking is only the second best thing I can do in the kitchen.

   So "instagram" doesn't mean your dealer is right around the corner?

   I hope Micheal Sam wins an ESPY for breakout female athlete of the year

   I have more people on my block list than some of you have on your friends list. . .

   I use to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.

   It is easier to get forgiveness than it is to get permission.