Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   People who eat fish tacos: You realize you can get tacos that don't have fish in them,,, right?

   It has been proven that Australians watch TV more than any other appliance.

   I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.

   I'm so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..

   If you need to cancel your service with Comcast, I suggest getting Liam Neeson to handle it

   Sometimes I wish saying "Uncle" to Life would work.

   When my wife asks me to hold her purse, I look cool by looking over my shoulder nervously as if I'd just snatched it.

   I like to buy someone a birthday gift at CVS so then I can make a ribbon out of the receipt ‪#‎recycle‬

   A pine tree planted in 2004 in memory of former Beatle George Harrison in a Los Angeles park has died after being infested by beetles.

   Apparently there is a difference between Hamas and Hummus... So I have been avoiding my fridge for nothing.

   Malaysian Airlines - Worse with planes than Casey Anthony is with children!

   I cracked two jokes earlier about Malaysian Airways. The first got no response and the second crashed and burned.

   People on the plane, rained mainly on Ukraine

   What do you call Converse on a nun? Nunchucks.

   can someone tell Andrew Jackson we read Snarkecards also

   If you see someone crying, ask them if it is because of their haircut.

   Prince's greatest hits now under twenty quid, so tonight I'm going to party like it's £19.99.

   Some people shouldn't talk unless they can improve on the silence.

   Possible post if Facebook was around in 1968) Busy day today. Me and my cousin rode are bikes all over town. Later we went fishing and after that played some basketball , don't text us we don't have a cell phone............

   I make guys nervous when I go braless... Because at that point... They see I have bigger balls than they do!