Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1857 of 6446

I don't even pick up the soap after I drop it in my own shower. There's just something about me I don't trust.
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08-02-2014 08:29 by Baddie
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It's ok, other ethnic groups. I'm afraid of drunk white chicks, too.
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08-02-2014 08:27
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The Brown Bear is similar to the Black Bear in most respects, however the Black Bear has a slightly more intricate handshake.
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08-02-2014 08:23
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I'm in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy

Dogs are a man's best friend because they don't talk.
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08-02-2014 08:18
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I'm sorry for what I said before I had my coffee.
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08-02-2014 06:43
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Do not mess with bears. You'll be their victim. Yogi Bear wears clothes. Where did he get his clothes?,,, That's right - a victim
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08-02-2014 06:40 by snotty
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How to solve all the children crossing the southern border illegally, put all the registered sex offenders and pedifiles there to give them candy and greet them!
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08-02-2014 02:44 by Lil-David
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facebook has allowed me to bring my "he's a distraction to the rest of the class" from school to a global scale
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08-01-2014 19:49 by flinnie
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..... Begining to think that Obama's official Border policy is to draw a Red Line in the sand along the Southern border.
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08-01-2014 16:09
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Dear McDonalds cashier, dont give me that look. There’s no age limit on a happy meal. And don’t forget the toy!

They need to create an app to let you know if someone is a freak. I mean crazy for those thinking nasty. Get your mind out the gutter
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08-01-2014 14:43 by @vvisuals
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"Here, tell me if my butthole stinks." ~cats
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08-01-2014 14:16
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Facebook has been down today. Has anyone asked if it's ok hun?
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08-01-2014 13:51 by frank
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Thanks alot Mark Fuckerberg. Just had to poop without Facebook like I was some kind of cave man.
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08-01-2014 13:26
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Relationship status: my cat won't sit still for our selfies.
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08-01-2014 09:35
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Sorry I keep forgetting you're not my therapist.

Me: I'll have a quickie. Barista: Sir, it's called an espresso.
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08-01-2014 09:27
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Question: If men get "c*ck-blocked" do women get "beaver-dammed"?
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08-01-2014 09:22 by Baddie
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You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
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08-01-2014 08:57
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