Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I don't even pick up the soap after I drop it in my own shower. There's just something about me I don't trust.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 08:29 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's ok, other ethnic groups. I'm afraid of drunk white chicks, too.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 08:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Brown Bear is similar to the Black Bear in most respects, however the Black Bear has a slightly more intricate handshake.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 08:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
←Rate | 08-02-2014 08:20 by equaloppjoker Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dogs are a man's best friend because they don't talk.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry for what I said before I had my coffee.
←Rate | 08-02-2014 06:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do not mess with bears. You'll be their victim. Yogi Bear wears clothes. Where did he get his clothes?,,, That's right - a victim
←Rate | 08-02-2014 06:40 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to solve all the children crossing the southern border illegally, put all the registered sex offenders and pedifiles there to give them candy and greet them!
←Rate | 08-02-2014 02:44 by Lil-David Comments (0)  


   messageicon facebook has allowed me to bring my "he's a distraction to the rest of the class" from school to a global scale
←Rate | 08-01-2014 19:49 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon ..... Begining to think that Obama's official Border policy is to draw a Red Line in the sand along the Southern border.
←Rate | 08-01-2014 16:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear McDonalds cashier, dont give me that look. There’s no age limit on a happy meal. And don’t forget the toy!
←Rate | 08-01-2014 15:13 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon They need to create an app to let you know if someone is a freak. I mean crazy for those thinking nasty. Get your mind out the gutter
←Rate | 08-01-2014 14:43 by @vvisuals Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Here, tell me if my butthole stinks." ~cats
←Rate | 08-01-2014 14:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook has been down today. Has anyone asked if it's ok hun?
←Rate | 08-01-2014 13:51 by frank Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks alot Mark Fuckerberg. Just had to poop without Facebook like I was some kind of cave man.
←Rate | 08-01-2014 13:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationship status: my cat won't sit still for our selfies.
←Rate | 08-01-2014 09:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I keep forgetting you're not my therapist.
←Rate | 08-01-2014 09:29 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Me: I'll have a quickie. Barista: Sir, it's called an espresso.
←Rate | 08-01-2014 09:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Question: If men get "c*ck-blocked" do women get "beaver-dammed"?
←Rate | 08-01-2014 09:22 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You are intriguing. You require further stalking, sorry I mean investigation.
←Rate | 08-01-2014 08:57 Comments (0)  




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