Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I don't recall any NFL fans ever crying in their beer about no 3rd world fans showing up for the tailgate party.

   NFL RULES..... should just accept the the fact that nobody outside USA cares about a game where you run and carry a ball dressed in more padding than a Telly-tubby. :)

   I must've missed the end where they all eat orange slices and drink capri suns...

   If I hear that Happy song one more time I think I'm going to cry.

   Pro tip: Guys, always be Frank with your sex partners. After all, you really don't want them to know your real name.

   If you could dribble your opponent or pass the one blocking your way, without grabbing him, then tell me soccer needs no skill; you don't like it every time you suck and are eliminated.

   I'm glad soccer is not a sport screwed up with wearing loads of pads, big bellies, giving injuries to other opponents by brute force, run for one second and call themselves talented.

   Why is it called ''beauty sleep'' when you wake up looking like a troll??

   If Wil.i.ams' tomb stone doesn't say "Wil.i.was" I will be highly disappointed.

   The only thing this world cup is missing is the vuvuzella! Said no one ever

   “I believe that we will win” - USA chant for the World Cup...... “Winning the World Cup is just not realistic” - Jürgen Klinsmann USA team coach.

   Meanwhile in a Galaxy Far, Far Away... I meant a Soundstage in London, Harrison Ford's Ankle is broken by the hydraulics that control a door in the making of the next Star Wars movie.

   Rest assured no grass got cut today.

   Scientists have created a mutant version of the deadly 1918 Spanish flu virus in an effort to better understand how pandemics start. I'm not a scientist, but this is how pandemics start.

   I met a woman on a dating site that said she was high maintenance when I finally saw her it looked more like she was in need of major repairs

   3 billion people with a collective IQ of 9

   Anywhere in the word that is UTC-5 or less will get a full moon on Friday, Sept. 13 2019. So the next one isn't 2049..... Just sayin...

   Wayne Gretzky's son has opened a Parmesan cheese factory and it's ranked number 1 in the world.......He will now go down in history.....forever known as, "The Grate One"......

   If you call it Starbs one more time I might just totes murds you.

   10 minutes or it's free guarantees are not always a good thing. Take ball pube trimming for example...