Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If I've learned anything from movies, it's that the Chief or Police is always bl@ck.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 08:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've learned anything from movies, it's that the fat kid always plays catcher.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon However lonely you feel, you’re never alone… There are literally millions of bugs, mites, and bacteria living in your house.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 03:35 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 03:34 by @uxbridgeguy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Justin Bieber Bragged That Miranda Kerr "Made Him a Man," Didn't know Miranda Kerr is a doctor specializing in pen*s transplantation.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 02:40 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Honey, I did the cutest thing while you were at work. I renamed "My Documents" folder on your computer to "Our Documents"
←Rate | 08-05-2014 02:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of my strongest friendships started with a blunt
←Rate | 08-05-2014 01:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You call it “binge drinking” I call it “making up for lost time when I could have been drinking” drinking.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 01:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like people the most when I'm by myself.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 01:23 by Kisstopher707 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How much for the love drug? Sir, that's chloroform
←Rate | 08-05-2014 00:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can always tell how wealthy a black dude is by how much white he wears
←Rate | 08-05-2014 00:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon maybe the reason the world keeps making idiots famous is because 75% of the world is made up of idiots.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 00:53 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I don't know what youre talking about, he's nice to me" - somebody in the eraly 1940s Germany, talking about Hitler.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 00:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1) Go to Starbucks 2) Order coffee 3) Tell them your name is Waldo 4) Leave
←Rate | 08-04-2014 22:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relax, everyone.....The government that couldn't get a website to work has got this Ebola thing. Don't worry!!
←Rate | 08-04-2014 21:25 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to get along with your spouse: Don't have one.
←Rate | 08-04-2014 14:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've learned anything from movies, it's that most murder cases are only solved after a detective is suspended but ignores the suspension.
←Rate | 08-04-2014 14:53 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon you’re a grown man who gets erections. what business do you have saying sh*t like “it’s my birthday month”?
←Rate | 08-04-2014 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What would Marilyn Monroe be doing if she were still alive? Scratching on the inside of her coffin lid.
←Rate | 08-04-2014 14:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon John Kerry criticised massacres committed by Israel privately; but, publicly he was a fraidy-cat because without Israel's support there would be no win in election you know!
←Rate | 08-04-2014 14:10 Comments (0)  




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