Funny Status Messages

   McDonald's is changing their slogan form "We made it yesterday" to "Old, Cold, and Sold to you".

   GOOD NEWS EVERYONE,,, Comedy Central has just secured the rights to show all of the NY JETS regular season.

   I may be married to the sea, but I'm seeing 2 of the Great Lakes on the side,,, Yeah,, it's Erie how Superior they are.

   I bet Hell has the same toilet paper as airports.

   Fear does not prevent death. It prevents life

   Wedding cake…One last reminder of what it was like to shove something in her mouth.

   I'm in it for the long run, as long as running isn't involved.

   Michael Jackson could do a very realistic Thriller video right now.

   Relationship Status: After carefully weighing the options. Willing to give loneliness a try.

   Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person's confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.

   Dear Ladies We also have bouncy body parts, but you don't see us inserting wire into our underwear to keep them in place. Let em jiggle!

   "What's in the box... WHAT'S IN THE BOX??!!!" Brad Pitt opening his wedding gifts.

   I remember my first beer.....Ah, who I am kidding....I was too drunk to remember. Plus I was like 12 so...

   i am now doing my bucket list,until I kick the bucket challenge.

   After getting an astronomical quote from my mechanic, I am going to try the ABS challenge. That's where I drive my car without anti lock breaks, until someone donates for me to get it fixed!

   Forgive them father for they are not civilized or educated.

   Seriously, if someone else had been shot in Ferguson, you know Michael Brown would've been one of the looters.

   Boy the way Led Zeppelin played, songs that debuted on MTVeeem, guys like us were getting laid. . . those were the days. . .

   Have you ever seen that show River Monsters? I just renamed it “1,000 reasons I'm NOT getting off the boat

   The music industry has suffered a great loss. Justin Bieber was found ALIVE in his hotel room.