Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon You're really cute, can I suck the life out of you? - women
←Rate | 08-21-2014 02:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid...no wait, I still do that.
←Rate | 08-21-2014 02:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel so old whenever someone tells me they were born in the 90s
←Rate | 08-21-2014 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only kissed you for a few minutes of peace and quiet.
←Rate | 08-21-2014 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said "strip down facing me," she was referring to my credit card.
←Rate | 08-21-2014 02:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Googled "Gary Oldman" and got some pretty disturbing images - he's really let himself go, I thought. Then I realised I'd left the "R" out of Gary.
←Rate | 08-21-2014 02:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear guy in the mens bathroom: Man rule # 1 - If there's 5 urinals and I'm in urinal #1, don't come park it at urinal #2! Your man card is suspended
←Rate | 08-21-2014 02:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Crocs have holes in em so your dignity can escape.
←Rate | 08-21-2014 01:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That moment when you are so drunk that you swerve to miss a tree, but then you realize its just an air freshener hanging in your car
←Rate | 08-21-2014 01:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon That moment when you do or say something cool and then spend the rest of the day replaying the moment over in your head
←Rate | 08-21-2014 01:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Titanic be like: I nominate all passengers for the Ice Bucket Challenege
←Rate | 08-20-2014 22:55 by A.J. Comments (0)  


   messageicon @nbcagt: "I once got trapped on an escalator when the power went out and I was scared for my life!"
←Rate | 08-20-2014 22:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A family reunion with NO alcholol? What is the point?
←Rate | 08-20-2014 21:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The news always showing pictures of these thugs when they were little kids is like a girl who has a profile picture when she was a hundred pounds lighter.
←Rate | 08-20-2014 21:21 by Berkley Comments (0)  


   messageicon A gaggle of geese... A murder of crows... A nope of laundry.
←Rate | 08-20-2014 20:51 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I nominate all passengers for the ice bucket challenge. Sincerely, The Titanic
←Rate | 08-20-2014 19:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!!!
←Rate | 08-20-2014 17:17 by Steve OH Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend is about to do this ice water bucket challenge. She don't know yet though she's still in bed
←Rate | 08-20-2014 15:56 by @1_Jack_Jacko Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yankee Stadium says it will start adding metal detectors as a way to beef up security. And then they went back to selling beer and baseball bats to New Yorkers.
←Rate | 08-20-2014 15:37 by Mark M Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the Redskins change their name it is my hope the cowboys from Wyoming, Montana and the Dakotas make sure Jerry Jones changes the name of his team so Cowboys won't be portrayed as PUSSIES.
←Rate | 08-20-2014 15:02 Comments (0)  




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