Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Have you ever seen that show River Monsters? I just renamed it “1,000 reasons I'm NOT getting off the boat

   The music industry has suffered a great loss. Justin Bieber was found ALIVE in his hotel room.

   Nothing says "friend zone" quite like a girl saying "you're like a brother to me." (Disregard this message if you're from Alabama)

   Fact is. We'll all get to do the kick the bucket challenge. . .

   Oh yeah I almost forgot, I truly couldn't care any less that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt got married. She's just another example of rich white trash.

   I think I will go for a drive, just to pick my nose. . .

   Roses are red, violets are blue, a case of beer costs less than dinner for two. . .

   Joan Rivers is in the hospital doing the kick the bucket challenge. . .

   I really wish some people would do the ice bucket challenge with petrol.... As they where smoking

   my anaconda dont want none unless you got funds hun

   Josh Shaw now claiming he broke his ankles keeping looters out of his grandmother's Bakery in Ferguson...

   I'm gathering game request to throw back at you!

   Just got three "BREAKING NEWS" notifications on my phone that two celebrities got married. This is why the rest of the world hates America.

   The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.

   I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.

   Yes we are facebook friends but I did not see your post because I unfollowed your boring ass. Thanks Facebook for the UNFOLLOW button.

   Did the math. Facebook is worth $100 billion and with 800 million users that puts the value of a life at $12.50. Never pay a hitman more.

   Over the weekend in California — a big one, a 6.0 earthquake. It was so powerful that Lindsey Lohan was driving on the right side of the road.

   In The News: Ferguson protest moves to St. Louis....... Why?, Because there's nothing left to steal in Ferguson!

   I don't mind when others use my gun for target practice...it's always nice to have a second set of finger prints on a gun.