Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages

   A father's goodness is higher than the mountain, a mother's goodness deeper than the sea.

   My wife has asked me to get her some gloves to wear at her mother's funeral. Does anyone know where I can buy those giant foam fingers?

   You see,,, Once you start making Freudian slips, you can't stop,,, it's just one after a mother.

   A young boy said to his mother, 'How old were you when I was born?' His mother replied, '23.' 'Wow, that's a lot of time we missed spending together.'

   My mother used to hide the eggs in the same place every Easter... the dairy section of our local supermarket.

   “A mother takes twenty years to make a man of her boy, and another woman makes a fool of him in twenty minutes.”

   “A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”

   A furniture for my mother in law's birthday??? Thank you honey... I think coffin just sounds right...

   i bought my mother in law a tv and furniture for her birthday...you shouldve seen her face when rent a center came and picked it up...yup she hates me

   My tourette syndrome in under control untill I have to deal with DUMB A$S! stupid people who lack basic MOTHER FUNK1NG! common sense. SH1T! B1TCH!

   Taking my Mother-in-Law swimming off the western coast of Australia

   Oh you got your middle finger up in your profile pic? You mother must be really proud of a job well done raising you.

   My mother always told me to never quit something I'm good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i'm good at being drunk!

   My friend came over and left his laptop on the floor. My mother thought it was a scale. Conclusion: My mother weighs 950 dollars.

   Headline: 42-year old, mother of two, Jennifer Lopez is now dating a 24-year old backup dancer! Yeah I always knew she wanted three kids.

   Ok honey don't freak out, but someone broke into the house, ate all the ice cream, smashed that picture of your mother, and didn't do the dishes.

   Nothing like finding your credit card in your 3 year olds play wallet, like mother, like daughter... Just shoot me now!!.

   If you wouldn't make her your wife.. Don't make her a mother!

   Son: Where did I come from daddy? Dad: Your Mother Son: Where did she come from? Dad: THE DEPTHS OF HELL!!!!!

   cut through an adult gift store parking lot to avoid a traffic light, my neighbor only saw me pulling out with my mother. :/