Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1794 of 6386
How much for the erotica kit? Sir, that's a package of bacon.
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08-04-2014 00:57
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Duct tape. Turning "No" into "mmmmmmffff" since 1871.
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08-04-2014 00:42
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Nice status. You're out of alcohol again aren't you?
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08-04-2014 00:41
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How much for the survival kit? Sir, that's an iPhone charger.
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08-04-2014 00:39 by Baddie
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Sucking on a woman's nipples helps prevent breast cancer. Make sure you know the woman, cops don't care if you were trying to save her life.
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08-04-2014 00:39
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Ultimate act of defiance, finishing your FB status update while your Boss waits at your desk!
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08-04-2014 00:34 by Baddie
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Where's the I want to punch you in the face button?
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08-04-2014 00:33
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I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
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08-04-2014 00:33
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I'm gonna take a jog... down to that seat at the end of the bar!
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08-04-2014 00:23
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Been watching Sharknado. When did Tara Reid turn 60??
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08-03-2014 22:19
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Everytime I see a mattress tied to the top of a car, I think….there’s another prostitute making a house call
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
How I feel when you complain about your boyfriend to me is how Yahoo feels when people use them to search for Google’s homepage.
Some days you’re the Titanic, some days you’re the iceberg, and some days you’re the guy who jumped off and hit the propeller on the way down.
Suggestion for Mark Zuckerberg: When someone defriends me on Facebook, a picture of my bare butt pops up on their screen
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job.
"This chick on Instagram posts so many pictures of her boyfriend I feel like I’m dating him."
My call is important to them, my time isn't.
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08-03-2014 14:45
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I'm fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
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08-03-2014 14:23
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I have decided my next ex-wife will be Scottish so when she calls me a worthless fucker it will be in that adorable wee accent.
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08-03-2014 14:03 by BigSarge
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