Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1782 of 6385
If he doesn't with the Super Bowl this year with the Jets. Rex Ryan asked Bill Belichick to sell him one of his Super Bowl rings. . .
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08-14-2014 21:29 by JAB
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If you're so damn smart, why aren't you rich?
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08-14-2014 13:52
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I'm no race car driver, but I haven't killed anyone this week. Yet...
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08-14-2014 12:31
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anyone else having technical problems on Facebook? Just checking before I call 911...
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08-14-2014 12:00 by Rick
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Oh no, you're not going to try and cheer me up, are you?
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08-14-2014 08:55
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Breasts are like a model train set. They were originally meant for children, but fathers always want to play with them.
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08-14-2014 08:24
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I got to work late this morning, so I guess I'll have to leave early to make up for it.
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08-14-2014 07:58
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I better get some sleep. These spiders aren’t going to eat themselves.
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08-14-2014 02:27
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not sure who is the bigger ahole the guy who uses a blinker and dosent turn or the one who dosent use one and turns.
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08-14-2014 01:53
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Great canned tuna fish recipe: 1-Open can of tuna fish 2-Sit can on floor 3-Yell; kitty, kitty, kitty. 4: Now, go order a pizza.
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08-13-2014 20:41 by M
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There's anxious, then there's me,, trying to get my tires lined up on the tracks at the car wash
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08-13-2014 18:45 by snotty
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Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results isn't the definition of insanity,,, it's the definition of parenting.
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08-13-2014 18:43 by snotty
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Shhhhh! I can't hear about how God spoke to you! I'm busy listening to my toaster tell me about his day.
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08-13-2014 17:38
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Hey Spotify, safe for work does not translate to safe for my masculinity when Backstreet Boys - As Long As You Love Me, goes blaring through the shop. It probably didn't help that I knew all the words and the dance from the video either.
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08-13-2014 16:32
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If you think people are stupid, randomly post "Happy Birthday" wishes on peoples FB page and see how many others tell them happy birthday.
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08-13-2014 15:37
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Dude! Just watched that show ghost hunters and dude! I definitely need to figure out how I can get that time I wasted back
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08-13-2014 15:34
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Smokey Bear just celebrated his 70th birthday. Smokey bear is 70. Can you believe he's that old? Smoky says he puts out fires by waking up seven times a night and peeing on them!
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08-13-2014 14:41 by Mark M
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Facebook. The lost and found for people. . .
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08-13-2014 12:34 by JAB
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If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not mean to poor people, like I am now.
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08-13-2014 11:38
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Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
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08-13-2014 04:46 by Eddy
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