Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1781 of 6385
Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It's their job. I dont go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.
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08-15-2014 21:49
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If at first you don't succeed then maybe skydiving isn't your thing.
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08-15-2014 19:52
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Surprised I didn't see pics of kids kicking and screaming titled, "Second Day Of School"
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08-15-2014 16:27 by Steve OH
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The three basic rules to plumbing: 1. Hot goes on the left. 2. Cold goes on the right. 3. $h!t won't flow uphill.
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08-15-2014 15:10
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Don't run with scissors -- unless you're stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
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08-15-2014 14:56 by Huck
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Mary Poppins was just called Mary before she got into breakdancing.
31 States, 1618 Languages, 6 Major Religions, 29 National Festivals, 1 Country!! Happy Independence Day INDIA
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08-15-2014 14:48
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This Herbal Essences body spray isn't working like I had hoped.
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08-15-2014 13:47
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"Commercials led me to believe that changing shampoos would have a much bigger effect on my life."
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance… The five stages of waking up.
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
Poodles are just dogs that listened to too much Kenny G.
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08-15-2014 12:36
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Tony Stewart just announced he has Parkinson's Disease too.
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08-15-2014 10:46
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if you sneeze near an atheist they just ignore you because they know its just a natural phenomenon.
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08-15-2014 09:58
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Robin Williams dies and suddenly Facebook is full of people with medical & psychology degrees
Marraige is a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child which cannot be handled by his parents anymore...
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08-15-2014 00:46
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In case if emergency, your seat cushion may be used to choke that annoying crying baby closest to you.
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08-14-2014 22:38
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Sorry I ran you over,, but on a positive note, I get 50 extra points if I'm not mistaken, and that gets me another free guy... So there's that
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08-14-2014 22:17 by snotty
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Checked myself for ticks but I didn't hear anything.
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08-14-2014 21:38 by snotty
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"Frosted Flakes is a part of this complete breakfast,,, which is also complete if you remove the Frosted Flakes."
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08-14-2014 21:33 by snotty
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