Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1774 of 6446

Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 7' to 10' tall.

Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "lottery winner".
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11-02-2014 06:41
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X says Falling in love is like jumping off a very tall building. Your brain tells you - it's not damn a good idea, while your heart tells you - you can fly.
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11-01-2014 23:00 by BEGO
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Daylight savings tonight.. Happy extra hour of drinking everyone!!!!
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11-01-2014 19:00 by Sully
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I think I found out what commitment really is. Its not marriage, its finding a new cell phone plain to sign with...
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11-01-2014 14:40 by MWC
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So, is Charles still in charge or what?
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11-01-2014 14:38 by snotty
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There is no "non creepy" way to compliment hot girl's feet
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11-01-2014 11:57 by Pichin
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bad news: 2 Chainz will not be performing as scheduled. good news: 2 Chainz will not be performing as scheduled.
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11-01-2014 09:14
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On the one hand I feel bad that Jeniffer Lawrence privacy was invaded, but on the other hand...well that hand is busy.
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11-01-2014 08:10
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Well as tomorrow approaches, November 1st. I can start growing my taint hair for "No Shave November." Will you notice?
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10-31-2014 23:12 by indy dave
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Instead of saying "happy Halloween" I've been whispering to the kids "find me on facebook..."... I think I'll have a much smaller turn-out next year.
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10-31-2014 21:43 by Jeva
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Ya get the strangest looks when you roll up to the register at the grocery store with a basket full of eggs and toilet paper.
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10-31-2014 20:26
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*spills beer on trick-or-treaters* No [hiccup] we're out of Snickers & Fun Dip & [hiccup] No Twix either. You want these seeded grapes or not?
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10-31-2014 19:40 by sully
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Pro tip: DO NOT compliment a girl on her slutty girl Halloween costume until you confirm it's a slutty girl costume...
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10-31-2014 18:33
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Due to the fact that I rarely get more than 2 trick or treaters, I buy candy that I like and give them a can of pork n beans!
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10-31-2014 18:22
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No its not "cute", its actually quite slutty looking, and yes I love it!
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10-31-2014 17:11 by John Y
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I'm not saying she's bipolar, but it took me two hours to figure out her mood ring wasn't a strobe light.

It's been a bad week for spacecrafts. Maybe my parents will finally stop nagging me about not becoming an astronaut...
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10-31-2014 15:12
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Here's an idea for a costume. And your friends will never expect it. Try looking and behaving like a responsible person.

I just googled "dying alone" and it brought me to my own Facebook Page.
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10-31-2014 13:04 by Baddie
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