Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Well as tomorrow approaches, November 1st. I can start growing my taint hair for "No Shave November." Will you notice?
←Rate | 10-31-2014 23:12 by indy dave Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of saying "happy Halloween" I've been whispering to the kids "find me on facebook..."... I think I'll have a much smaller turn-out next year.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 21:43 by Jeva Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ya get the strangest looks when you roll up to the register at the grocery store with a basket full of eggs and toilet paper.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 20:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon *spills beer on trick-or-treaters* No [hiccup] we're out of Snickers & Fun Dip & [hiccup] No Twix either. You want these seeded grapes or not?
←Rate | 10-31-2014 19:40 by sully Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro tip: DO NOT compliment a girl on her slutty girl Halloween costume until you confirm it's a slutty girl costume...
←Rate | 10-31-2014 18:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the fact that I rarely get more than 2 trick or treaters, I buy candy that I like and give them a can of pork n beans!
←Rate | 10-31-2014 18:22 Comments (0)  


   messageicon No its not "cute", its actually quite slutty looking, and yes I love it!
←Rate | 10-31-2014 17:11 by John Y Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not saying she's bipolar, but it took me two hours to figure out her mood ring wasn't a strobe light.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 15:24 by TallMtnMan Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's been a bad week for spacecrafts. Maybe my parents will finally stop nagging me about not becoming an astronaut...
←Rate | 10-31-2014 15:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Here's an idea for a costume. And your friends will never expect it. Try looking and behaving like a responsible person.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 13:28 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just googled "dying alone" and it brought me to my own Facebook Page.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 13:04 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The killer of the Pennsylvania Trooper was handcuffed and transported to jail with the dead Trooper's handcuffs and police car, maybe they can shoot him with the Trooper's GUN !
←Rate | 10-31-2014 12:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Girls : No Need To Do Anything For Halloween … Just Remove The Makeup And Go To The Party
←Rate | 10-31-2014 12:28 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wearing my PJ pants, slippers, and carrying a Walmart bag for Halloween this year. That's right, I'm a Walmart Shopper.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 11:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon making my world famous caramel onions to sit outside the door of a empty apartment so that way kids wont get pissed off at me when they bite into a onion instead of a caramel apple hehehe Happy Halloween
←Rate | 10-31-2014 10:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon HR says I am allowed to dress up as a pirate for the office Halloween party but I am not allowed to try to plunder booty, even if it is mighty fine booty....this organization has too many rules.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When you buy Halloween candy to hand out as an adult, it's like you are paying for all the free candy you got when you were a kid.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 07:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Somedays, I'm just a walkin', talkin' meat bag full of awesome.
←Rate | 10-31-2014 07:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm going to as many Halloween parties as I can. I'll be in the invisible man. You'll just have to imagine I'm there. . .
←Rate | 10-30-2014 21:16 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Prison football teams seam to have a difficult time finding a person qualified to play tight end.
←Rate | 10-30-2014 20:17 Comments (0)  




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