Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1766 of 6385
Ladies, if all he does is make you cry then maybe you're dating an onion and not a man.
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09-01-2014 15:25
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it just me or has Aunt Jemima lost weight
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09-01-2014 12:01
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Kids, if you "can't afford tuition" because the payment on your new car is so much, you're doing it wrong...
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09-01-2014 11:25
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I'm sure the guy standing at the urinal next to me, regrets wearing those flip flops today.
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09-01-2014 10:25 by snotty
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Why hasn't Head and Shoulders shampoo come out with a body wash called "Knees and Toes" ?
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09-01-2014 10:22 by snotty
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If I drove a UPS truck there's a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners
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09-01-2014 06:42 by flinnie
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Come on #Chevy just one commercial break without Kid Rock
If you think your job stinks, think about the kid that cleans the bathroom at Taco Bell
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08-31-2014 21:41 by MWC
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It's only a matter of time before "Security Cameras of Wal-mart" becomes a reality show.
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08-31-2014 21:01
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If you think your job stinks, how would you like to be a member of the camera crew that has to follow the Kardashians 24/7.
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08-31-2014 20:54
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I thought I was wrong once but I was mistaken.
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08-31-2014 20:22 by MWC
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If it's called Labor Day,why don't we work on labor day and have the rest of the year off?
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08-31-2014 18:38 by MWC
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If a woman doesn't like a man using a coupon on the first date, she should offer to pay.
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08-31-2014 18:18
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I have never in my life seen a Tattoo and said "wow, that looks classy" All a tattoo is, is a "LOOK AT ME" statement
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08-31-2014 17:50
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If I'm ever in a coma, please don't try to wake me. I'm doing what I love.
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08-31-2014 14:00 by Steve OH
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Curling irons come with a warning label saying "For external use only." OK, now which of you sick women made that necessary?
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08-31-2014 13:37
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If I'm ever on life support and just being kept alive machines, please unplug me and plug me back in. Basically, reboot my body.
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08-31-2014 13:22
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YOLO. Because stupid people don't know what Carpe Diem means.
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08-31-2014 13:15
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I said to the nurse "You're such a nice person. Will you come visit me when I'm out of the hospital?" She said "Well, I would except graveyards are such creepy places." FML.
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08-31-2014 13:04
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"Second coat my ass! -Michelangelo, upon completing the Sistine Chapel job.
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08-31-2014 13:01
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