Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1755 of 6385
I think they should replace oxygen on the planes masks with laughing gas. I mean you are gonna die anyways at least this way you are happy about it.
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09-11-2014 12:29
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If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail.
Dear sneeze, If you’re gonna happen, happen. Don’t put a stupid look on my face and leave.
Reason #428 why other countries hate the US. We act like our civil rights have been violated when a waiter says, “We don’t have Coke, will Pepsi do?”
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09-11-2014 09:03
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Don’t you just hate it when you wake up and...no that’s all...but don’t you just hate it though when you hate it for no reason.
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09-11-2014 09:00 by tkm
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I heard the man who invented the cross word puzzle past away....did you hear this? yea they buried him 6 feet down and 3 feet across
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09-11-2014 06:53
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"I've seen fire & I've seen rain" -James Taylor & LITERALLY EVERY HUMAN
I could make a rap video, but instead of cash I'd be surrounded by stacks of Taco Bell napkins
All through school I assumed they saved the number 1 pencils for the smart kids
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09-11-2014 05:28 by Huck
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So disappointed that Hello Kitty isn't a cat. This must be how Snoop Dogg felt when he met Emily Blunt
If a co-worker asks how your long weekend was, respond with a clever retort like "not long enough" or "MAAAAAN I MISSED YOUR SMELL"
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09-11-2014 05:26 by flinnie
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Go shawty, I forgot your birthday. It's only thanks to Facebook that I know it's your birthday.
Showing your friend a funny video on YouTube and constantly checking their face to make sure they’re enjoying it…
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09-11-2014 00:07
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If Michael Sam beats his wife, will he get fired too. Equal Opportunity my ass.
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09-10-2014 21:21
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So, who wants to play go F#ck yourself. Oh my sarcasm never ceases to amaze me. . .
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09-10-2014 20:24 by JAB
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cable TV.... helping us avoid Presidential speeches for nearly four decades
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09-10-2014 20:19 by Dan
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So what if Lesean McCoy tipped a waitress 20 cent. He gives defenses 4 quarters every game.
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09-10-2014 17:58
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If you want to change the world, do it when you are a bachelor. After marriage, you Cnt even change Channel of Tv
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09-10-2014 16:34
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Great British Bake-Off tonight. In honour of the iPhone launch last night, they too will be trying to improve the Apple Turnover.
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09-10-2014 14:10
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If I was a reporter in Syria, I'd beheading home right now.
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09-10-2014 14:07
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