Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm really getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I've given the bird to lots of people today.

   I really like Bill Cosby, but only for his stand up comedy and role as Dr. Huxtible... not for what he did to me in a hotel room.

   Word of the Day: Eskihoe - A girl that wears UGG boots and a miniskirt at the same time.

   I fought the law...And the Law won - Mike Brown

   University of Kentucky 2012 Win, Philadelphia Philies World Series Win, Seattle’s Superball Win, when whites went buck wild for the most arbitrary and utterly unjustifiable reasons on earth.

   Thinking of Black Friday shopping in Ferguson this year. Heard you can grab some really good deals.

   Dear people jogging with that stupid smile on your face. I know what route you take and I will jump out of bushes and scare that smile away

   “It's not up for discussion,” is a thing I say to my wife when I’m absolutely certain I want to spend the next six hours discussing it...

   Dr. Huxtable was an OB/GYN with an office in his home basement. I mean, come on...

   I can't help but wonder if Bill Cosby's roofies tasted llike a Puddin' Pops.

   By 2050, four out of every five Americans will be a Duggar...

   Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age. Also it makes you say things you regret...

   I'm thankful that everyone has finally shut up about this Ebola hysteria to let us all celebrate Thanksgiving.

   So...I'm only going to assume that's it probably not a good time to yell "if it's brown it's down" in public.

   Well, it looks like Ebola has taken a break from mass hysteria to let us celebrate Thanksgiving.

   I am SO out of the loop. So are Ferguson people rioting because Bill Cosby raped 20 women?

   Does anyone know when the Christmas Tree lighting ceremony is set for Ferguson this year?

   If the Ferguson police used THC grenades instead of tear gas, you'd see a much different scene.

   DAMN!! Obamaphones sure are getting one serious workout these last two nights in Ferguson!!

   Kids: Never tell a stranger where you live. Give them your neighbor's address and watch what happens.