Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1750 of 6385
the reason I use condoms is because children have the odd habit of bringing home fundraising forms.
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09-17-2014 01:36
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Technically, we're all half centaur.
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09-17-2014 01:22 by Daheavy1
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You know the annual company meeting has gone completely downhill when someone suggests sacrificing a chicken.
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09-16-2014 22:16 by snotty
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My kid's hamster died, so I just glued some googly eyes on it and told him it was high on meth.
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09-16-2014 21:33 by snotty
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My mission is to be the first person on Facbook to have one million people on their block list. . .
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09-16-2014 21:28 by JAB
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Me: What's the capital of Ohio?.... Son:.?... Me: It's also a famous explorer.... Son: Dora? ... Me: Yep,, Dora, Ohio.
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09-16-2014 21:26 by snotty
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I avoid becoming a hoarder by repeatedly getting married,, then losing half my crap in the divorce.
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09-16-2014 21:22 by snotty
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*Gets a DUI playing Mario Kart
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09-16-2014 21:21 by snotty
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How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: none, feminists can't change anything, silly!
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09-16-2014 21:19
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I'm a male, so I guess my job is to tell you're wrong. By the way, where is my sandwich?
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09-16-2014 21:12
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I told my wife I thought she was a little OCD sometimes, so she read like a 100 articles about it.
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09-16-2014 20:33
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Yes men, you CAN fold a washcloth the wrong way.
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09-16-2014 18:52
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Sober me makes plans and drunk me cancels them. Its a good system.
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09-16-2014 14:58 by Baddie
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I don't believe death is the end. In my heart I know that, long after I'm gone, I will continue to receive Hot Summer Deal!!! emails.
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09-16-2014 14:40 by Baddie
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I'm a female so I guess my favourite hobby is being right.
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09-16-2014 14:39 by KAREN
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My Native American name is "Sits with purses while all her friends dance."
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09-16-2014 14:34 by KAREN
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First date idea: Stare at your phones and wonder if there’s anything better happening somewhere else.
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09-16-2014 14:33
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"But what does it mean?" - WOMEN
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09-16-2014 14:32 by Baddie
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If the N.F.L. cracked down on all the drug and alcohol abuse as well as spousal and child abuse watching football would remind me of golf.
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09-16-2014 13:59
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Beginning to wonder if starting each work day with 5 straight hours on Facebook may be kneecapping my productivity.
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09-16-2014 13:45 by Huck
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