Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1711 of 6446

Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport an entire country back to the middle ages. They’re calling it “Islam”.
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01-14-2015 06:43 by PAPABEAR
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What's the difference between a Mu$lim and a vampire? At some point the vampire will stop being bloodthirsty.
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01-14-2015 06:41 by PAPABEAR
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European oral cancer patients are rising at an extremely fast rate. Why you say? They are having the type of cancer which commonly occurs in female gentalïa. Calm Down on those disgusting practices
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01-13-2015 15:07 by Ubercab
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Females are crazy. You can text your girl "Sweetheart I got those Paris tickets you wanted. My friend Sarah hooked me up" And the only thing she saw was Sarah
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01-13-2015 14:43
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I would love to put all the girls I slept with in one room to see if they can figure out what they all had in common

Me: My butt fell asleep sitting on the toilet. Wife: Yeah, I know. I heard it snoring.
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01-13-2015 13:13
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Seriously Ladies, stop it with the surveys to see what kind of baby animal, book character, southern belle, princess warrior, superhero or dog you are. Just be a fk’n normal human!!
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01-13-2015 12:50
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She lost me at, "that's cray cray!"
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01-13-2015 12:00 by Rollen
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Somebody stop the planet, I want to get off!
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01-13-2015 10:32 by Toni
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Unless you from another country... if you ask me for my "KIK" rather than my phone number - I'm going to assume you are a serial killer.
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01-13-2015 08:14 by Drizzy
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If you don't believe in oral sex....then keep your mouth shut!
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01-13-2015 07:55 by MWC
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If you invite a girl over to "watch a movie, have some drinks, talk" and actually watch a movie, chat and drink, then you're a failure as a man…
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01-13-2015 05:26 by XX-FOXY
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I realized Freedom of speech has an expiration date... -Not valid when your in a position of influence, not valid when its being use as a weapon, and definitely not valid when I've got to listen to my wife!
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01-13-2015 04:40 by Jitney
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They Always Say...Stand & March For What You Believe In... I Do!!! Everytime I Believe I will Have another Beer, I Stand and March To The Fridge!
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01-12-2015 23:17
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Mark my words: In a year, the leading cause of death will be "Beaten to death with a selfie stick"
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01-12-2015 20:47
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Play Trivia Crack they said. It'll be fun they said... phukerz.
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01-12-2015 18:11 by Steve OH
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4 out of 5 voices in my head say go back to sleep
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01-12-2015 13:19 by Zinc
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Everthing will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end
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01-12-2015 13:18 by Zinc
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That moment when you think you know somebody then they pull out an entirely new bag of stupid.
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01-12-2015 12:59
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In an effort to show our support to the French, we English have held a shoulder-to-shoulder rally at Trafalgar Square. It's nice to see good old-fashioned English humour isn't dead.
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01-12-2015 07:37
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