Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   after 16 years of leaving the Patriots, Pete Carroll finally won a superbowl for them

   suge knight out here killin people, wu-tang about to drop a new album, gas under $2.... I feel like a kid again.

   I've just found my first grey pube............Don't think I'll order pizza from there again.

   Struggling to get my arm in this pringles can, so I get it black guys.

   anyone here with one leg? I have a ton of socks you can have

   I watch my dog sniff the air and I wonder what he knows about this world that I don't..

   You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"

   When Missy Elliot asks if he has a big @#$%, I assume she means refrigerator.

   "Psssssssssssssss" ~ The sound of Richard Sherman's ego being deflated by Tom Brady

   You'd think there were more UFO sightings with all these action cams and camera phones.

   Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we're camping. With an angry bear close by.

   Momma left strict instructions to knock you out

   I hope the MVP has his shots up to date. Disneyland is dangerous nowadays!

   Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't.

   Lindsey Vonn starts at the top and ends up on the bottom.....so, apparently, does Tiger

   Kristen Stewart is like if Internet Explorer was a person.

   Richard Sherman's girlfriend just dumped him for Malcom Butler.

   Super Bowl lesson; play to your strengths. Seattle should have given the ball to Lynch ... Katy should have shown more cleavage. Go with what makes you great.

   Finger Prints on Super Bowl Trophy to be used in dozens of criminal investigations

   so THAT'S what Sherman looks like with his mouth shut