Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1689 of 6384
Did you ever notice some people with the lowest moral compass and zero integrity suddenly become 'karma experts' when things don't go their way?
To Michael Brown's family: I hope you find closure. To Darren Wilson: I hope you find peace. To the rioters: I hope you find jobs.
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11-26-2014 20:35
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If we have learned anything over the the last couple years it is that if you attack a person with a gun, you may get shot and killed.
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11-26-2014 19:48
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Holy moly, 4 more days until I'm a married man. It seems like just yesterday I was puking on the first day of kindergarten class.
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11-26-2014 17:30
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most unromantic thing said ,to start off the holiday season..."so- what's the E.T.A on that blowjob?
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11-26-2014 17:16
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So the logical response to a perceived injustice in my town is to steal everything I can, then burn it down? Why didn't I think of that after my last parking ticket?
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11-26-2014 16:20
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Give me some of the major taboo examples among gullible women about themselves.
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11-26-2014 14:58
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I'm really getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I've given the bird to lots of people today.
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11-26-2014 14:18 by richmcc76
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I really like Bill Cosby, but only for his stand up comedy and role as Dr. Huxtible... not for what he did to me in a hotel room.
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11-26-2014 13:35
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Word of the Day: Eskihoe - A girl that wears UGG boots and a miniskirt at the same time.
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11-26-2014 11:37
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I fought the law...And the Law won - Mike Brown
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11-26-2014 08:19
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University of Kentucky 2012 Win, Philadelphia Philies World Series Win, Seattle’s Superball Win, when whites went buck wild for the most arbitrary and utterly unjustifiable reasons on earth.
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11-26-2014 07:18
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Thinking of Black Friday shopping in Ferguson this year. Heard you can grab some really good deals.
Dear people jogging with that stupid smile on your face. I know what route you take and I will jump out of bushes and scare that smile away
“It's not up for discussion,” is a thing I say to my wife when I’m absolutely certain I want to spend the next six hours discussing it...
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11-25-2014 22:57 by eengrms
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Dr. Huxtable was an OB/GYN with an office in his home basement. I mean, come on...
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11-25-2014 22:30 by eengrms
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I can't help but wonder if Bill Cosby's roofies tasted llike a Puddin' Pops.
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11-25-2014 22:27 by Cicci
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By 2050, four out of every five Americans will be a Duggar...
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11-25-2014 22:23 by eengrms
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Marriage is like wine. It gets better with age. Also it makes you say things you regret...
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11-25-2014 21:52 by eengrms
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I'm thankful that everyone has finally shut up about this Ebola hysteria to let us all celebrate Thanksgiving.
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11-25-2014 21:14 by John Y
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