Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1686 of 6384
The Greatest Generation stormed Normandy so that today, we could storm Target.
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11-28-2014 21:24
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Black Friday: The day you spend hundreds of dollars on possessions to celebrate the birth of a man who didn't believe in possessions.
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11-28-2014 20:15
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If the doctor say put the medicine in "your ear".. he meant "your rear"... so get your hearing checked too.
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11-28-2014 19:50
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Calm down with the Christmas music Starbucks, it's only the day after Thanksgiving.
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11-28-2014 18:35
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if you don't already hate people, black friday shoppers is a great way to start.
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11-28-2014 17:03 by pipo
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I'm astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
Take it easy this Black Friday, (try not to trample anyone to death) because it isn't supposed to look like a riot you idiots... Shop online like a real modern American!
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11-28-2014 15:39 by John Y
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Thank the powers that you're not here to smell that one.
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11-28-2014 15:32
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the new Star Wars trailer went online today & it's already a better movie than The Phantom Menace.
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11-28-2014 13:25 by JustCuz
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"What the hell are you doing?"... Making a turducken.. "I'm pretty sure they're supposed to be dead first"
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11-28-2014 13:04 by snotty
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Wow!!!,,,, this ice cream scoop really brings out your eyes.
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11-28-2014 12:58 by snotty
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"Don't take this the wrong way..." *doctor hands me a suppository
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11-28-2014 12:53 by snotty
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Drank two Monster Energy drinks,, and started my car by screaming at it... #boss
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11-28-2014 12:52 by snotty
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Turn the wrong way and the b*tch on the GPS won't shut up. .. *my marriage advice to my boys
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11-28-2014 12:48 by snotty
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Which side of the plate does the phone go on?
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11-28-2014 12:38 by snotty
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Hey, women that wear any lipstick darker than red: No.
This year, I'm thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
Orange is the new Black, so....Have a great Orange Friday
Pretty bad when your dog farts so loud he has the nerve to turn to see where the noise came from.
All I want for christmas is to keep the things i've got.
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11-28-2014 07:15 by Nipper
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