Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1681 of 6384
The amount of money you'd need to donate to ALS for me to do the Ice bucket challenge this time of year would cure ALS.
←Rate |
12-05-2014 20:49 by Timk
Comments (0)
I'm Amish but, I consider myself extreme Amish because I use electric.
←Rate |
12-05-2014 20:43 by Timk
Comments (0)
I am so ready for Chrismas. To be over.
←Rate |
12-05-2014 16:07
Comments (0)
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
←Rate |
12-05-2014 14:25 by Timk
Comments (0)
Black lives matter only when killed by a white. Those killed by other blacks don't seem to matter as much.
←Rate |
12-05-2014 13:24
Comments (0)
Hey people tin high-crime neighborhoods; How's that "Snitches get stitches" mantra working for you?
←Rate |
12-05-2014 13:22 by M
Comments (0)
If you can say "I can't breathe", then technically, you can breathe. Cops know not to fall for that trick.
←Rate |
12-05-2014 12:54
Comments (0)
Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.
←Rate |
12-05-2014 11:03
Comments (0)
Forrest Gump forever changed the way I pronounce buttocks.
←Rate |
12-05-2014 11:02
Comments (0)
Whenever someone tries to get too friendly with me, I like to call them by the wrong name to remind them of where we stand.
←Rate |
12-05-2014 10:59
Comments (0)
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
←Rate |
12-05-2014 10:57
Comments (0)
Kids have so many food allergies these days. In 15 years you’ll be able to rob a bank with a bag of peanuts.
←Rate |
12-05-2014 10:55
Comments (0)
The average person farts 14 times a day. Finally, I'm above average at something!!
←Rate |
12-05-2014 10:36
Comments (0)
Instead of protesting the deaths of thugs, why don't you teach your children how to avoid being one in the first place?
←Rate |
12-05-2014 10:29
Comments (0)
Pro life tip: I've found the best way to avoid my life ending from a police officer is to continue being white.
←Rate |
12-05-2014 08:22
Comments (3)
By show of hands, who's been fooled 3 times and not known who to blame?
←Rate |
12-05-2014 07:46 by snotty
Comments (0)
If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
←Rate |
12-04-2014 18:35
Comments (0)
When I get to heaven, the first question I'm asking God is why does my butt have more hair than my head??
←Rate |
12-04-2014 17:56
Comments (0)
Decided I wanted solid abs this year for Christmas. Bought all solid milk chocolate Santas instead of hollow ones.
←Rate |
12-04-2014 16:32 by Jiffy Pop
Comments (0)
I am going to enter the Walmart parking lot with my shotgun and shoot all the cars with the stupid friggin antlers on em!!
←Rate |
12-04-2014 16:19
Comments (0)