Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1670 of 6384
"His heart wasn't the only thing that was 2 sizes too small." .............. * Mrs. Grinch
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12-17-2014 12:50 by snotty
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No matter how bad life seems, just remember,,, You can order live bees on the internet.
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12-17-2014 12:48 by snotty
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What if I told you I could make you talk like an Irish Sailor? Repeat after me: WHALE OIL BEEF HOOKED
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12-17-2014 12:36
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If I stalked you any harder you'd be a missing person by now.
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12-17-2014 11:31 by Psycho
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The year is 2016. The NFL has banned tackling. Players must apologize and say 10 nice things about each other after each penalty.
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12-16-2014 23:57
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It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
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12-16-2014 20:57 by BEGO
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Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
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12-16-2014 20:55 by BEGO
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Costco: The most expensive place in the world to save money.
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12-16-2014 20:53 by BEGO
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Went to the dog park today,and I stepped in a pile of Islam.
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12-16-2014 20:48
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Never trust a woman who doesn't fart. You don't know what else she might be holding back.
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12-16-2014 19:58
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"My dog just saved my life by ferociously barking at" wrong people. :)
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12-16-2014 19:11
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My neighbor is in training to become a porn star. I asked her how her first day went. She said it was a lot to take in.
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12-16-2014 18:34 by bubba
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It really shouldn't be that hard to convict Bill Cosby. Everyone knows that the proof is in the pudding!
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12-16-2014 17:56 by pimpjuice
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multiculturalization?? more like Islamization.
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12-16-2014 16:58
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By all that is holy... Jessica Biel better name her baby Batmo when he's born...
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12-16-2014 15:44
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When a woman says "He used me for sex". It really means 'I only had sex with him to get something else out of him, but it failed'
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12-16-2014 15:39
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If your car has reindeer antlers and a red nose then I should be allowed to shoot you
Sorry I accidentally turned off all the lights and played dead when you knocked on the door.
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12-16-2014 10:41 by Baddie
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The only time I put my phone down is when it rings....
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12-16-2014 10:30 by scottyp
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You're 42, divorced with 3 kids and you smoke? Good luck with that...
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12-16-2014 09:19
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