Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   She lost me at, "let's talk about that dress."

   Dear Interwebs, You guys go nuts over a stupid dress, and now Spock is dead! This is why we can't have nice things. Stop it, K? Thx.

   My wife wanted two cats but I am the man in this house so we got two cats

   a chinese vendor just sold me a new movie calles ' 50 cent of Drey'

   Spock inspired many a latina to shave their eyebrows and draw on freaky ones.

   Huge Star Wars fan, Can't imagine a world without Spock.

   "when I made the dress I used gold and white fabric" - Brian Williams

   I am getting pretty low on Girl Scout Cookies.... Threat Level: Orange

   It's so sad that Leonard Nimoy didn't live long enough to find out what color that dress was.....

   Dear Leonard Nimoy. As much as I hate to see you go, thanks for upstaging that stupid "Dress Color Controversy" thing on Facebook. It's black and blue, by the way.

   Beam him up, Scotty. There is no more intelligent life down here.

   The worst part about the end of February is having to take down all my Black History Month decorations

   ME: "Hi kitty" CAT: "Wanna see my butthole?" ME: "No thanks kitty" CAT: "Imma show you my butthole"

   What if Jamie Lee Curtis is still in Lindsay Lohan's body and is ruining Lindsay's reputation and Lindsay is just eating Activia and pooping?

   I think Miley Cyrus is jsut using her pop career as a spring board to her career as a washed up has been.

   Police Officer: 'TURN AROUND" Me: *sings* "Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and your're never coming round"

   Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?

   If restaraunt napkins ever become currency, my glove box will become Fort Knox.

   I'm at my most penguine when I'm trying to get from one bathroom to the next to get a roll of toilet paper.

   Do you think the bums with Target shopping carts look down on the bums with Walmart shopping carts?