Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 1655 of 6384
My current clothing style is a combination of "sh*t I'm late", "sh*t it's cold", with just a hint of "I'm too lazy to look socially acceptable for you losers".
Be careful what you pray for: you just might get it. Kidding! Prayer doesn’t work.
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01-04-2015 13:46
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She lost me at, "I don't watch football."
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01-04-2015 13:14 by Rollen
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May the pillow be cooler on the other side ...RIP Stuart Scott
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01-04-2015 12:17 by migasjoe
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No one will ever look at you the way I do.. .. .. But thats probably because no one will ever do it from the tree outside your window
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01-04-2015 12:15 by Baddie
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Now that I failed with this year's New Year's resolutions I can get on with the rest of it guilt free.
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01-04-2015 12:01 by timk
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Not now kids. I'm managing my online empire.
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01-04-2015 10:53 by Czovczov
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I love the way my abs look... in the morning... when I suck in my stomach... and turn to the side... while squinting... and the lights are turned off.
I'm a Mexican but not a "I'm driving around the city with out car insurance" Mexican..
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01-04-2015 09:44 by Rollen
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"What's a good kind of medicine to take for my health?" "I'm not sure. Hey there's Larry the Cable Guy driving a jet ski onto land. Let's ask him."
If you or someone you know is expecting and would like me to deliver the baby, please message me the date and location please and thank you. #bucketlist
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01-04-2015 04:14
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Pepsi and Coke can't even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
I'm a Mexican but not a "I own a metro phone Mexican."
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01-03-2015 16:46 by Rollen
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On a scale of Gary Busey to Charlie Sheen, I'm David Hasselhoff drunk right now.
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01-03-2015 13:32 by Steve OH
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The best moments of my life when I was at my happiest, you will not find pictures of them on social media because I was too engrossed in the moment to think about taking a selfie of it.
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01-03-2015 09:12
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If you tell a cop "I can't breathe" he knows you're lying because if you couldn't breathe you couldn't talk.
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01-03-2015 07:43
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U were great when you stood for Freedom. now, you steal others Freedoms. Most effed up
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn't accurately describe my life I don't know what does
All I wanted for Xmas was for the pirate bay website to come back. Is that too much to ask?
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01-02-2015 16:57 by Rollen
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I'm liberal but not Drive a Prius with a Coexist Bumper Sticker liberal.
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01-02-2015 13:56
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